User talk:Mrvitale/sandbox

I had some questions about the organization of my article. I planned on having sections on missionaries and slavery. The two topics are pretty intertwined so I didn't know if this worked. Any suggestions? Mrvitale (talk) 22:03, 9 April 2017 (UTC)Maeve

Does the layout of my article work? Are there any sections you think would be helpful to add? I tried to look at other wiki pages about religion to get some ideas for this.Mrvitale (talk) 12:55, 10 April 2017 (UTC)Maeve

Maeve,

I think the layout of your article works. I like how you have a brief introduction and then you have the history outlined with specific aspects of Protestant religious history in Jamaica. It might be helpful to expand a little bit more in your introduction. You have this sentence "Missionaries attempted to convert slaves to varying Protestant denominations, and slavery mixed with the religion brought over by Europeans" and they could be split up and expanded on just a little more. In terms of phrasing I would edit some of your sentences to be a bit more specific, like "Europeans were motivated to come to the Caribbean for political and religious motives". You use motive twice and it could be helpful to add a bit more regional/continental context to this area. You also have in your missionaries section the first sentence: "...were not the only attempts to provide religion to the slave population of Jamaica. George..." You might just want to add something in between your statement that there were other missionaries other than white Europeans, just to introduce your next point a little more clearly. I think having two sections on missionaries and slavery did work because you were able to focus on what the missionaries did and then how the slaves reacted to it and how it impacted their lives and how some sought to challenge it. I am not super clear about writing neutral but I think this sentence in your Protestantism today section sounds maybe too analytical for a Wikipedia article? "The denominations are not very united and there is competition among churches to gain or retain membership" Other than that I think you wrote a pretty objective account! :)

-CarinaCarinaFlaherty (talk) 15:04, 10 April 2017 (UTC)