User talk:Moe awad
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Moe awad, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:54, 13 January 2020 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! I have notes for your draft:
- Be extremely careful of tone. You have descriptive point of view terms that can be seen as non-neutral and even promotional in tone. In general the only time any subjective terms should be used is when we're summarizing something that someone else has stated about the person or topic - and making sure that this is attributed to the person or persons making the claim.
- Some of the content about the artwork needs to be written to be more objective - it comes across as an interpretation rather than us summarizing what others have written about his work.
- The collections section needs sourcing, as do some of the other sections and content.
I've done some cleanup and massaged some of the material into an early life and influences section, as an example of how to phrase the content that would be seen as an interpretation - the other sections need some work before moving live - let me know if you need help with this. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:53, 19 February 2020 (UTC)
- Also, don't include things like how much a painting is currently worth or where it can be purchased unless it's something that is of major importance, such as it being often cited in news articles. For that matter, you want to avoid using e-commerce sites as sourcing, as these typically don't have the editorial oversight that Wikipedia would require and can often come across as promotional in and of itself, like Wikipedia is endorsing the site. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:00, 19 February 2020 (UTC)
Peer review - FROM JUSTIN JONES Starting out, I noticed that you put one sentence above stating "Darren Vigil Gray is a Jicarilla Apache painter and musician", with a link cited. If I were you, I would try to elaborate a little more on Darren Vigil Gray a tiny bit more. It doesn't have to be much because I see that in the chuck below you went into detail about him, but before that, I would just try to highlight important things that he did to get the reader's attention, then let that translate, in detail, into the rest of your article. An example of that could be, "such and such is a painter and musician who___". The way it's set up now, it makes the reader feel think "okay and...". I also noticed that you said something about his parents going through issues. I would try to follow up with that, maybe with a sentence or two because it seems like there could be more said. If there isn't, I totally understand. Also, if his parents having marital issues doesn't have anything to do with his influences or career, I would completely take it out. It's good information and nice to know, but if you don't bring it up later as a stepping stone to his success, I would take it out. It seems like it is relevant because you stated that it troubled him, but tell the readers why it troubled him. I like that you made a section for his awards and exhibitions. I will definitely use that format for my final draft as I somewhat shoved everything in giant paragraphs. One thing I will say is, if I were you, I would maybe try to elaborate a little in a sentence or two about his exhibitions. I do understand that they are a lot, but as a reader, it would be nice to at least get a short sentence (more is always great) on what exactly these exhibitions entailed. Same for everything else. I would say just try to add a bit more information on parts that seem short, and you will be fine. I like your structure and everything seems clear to me. I do understand that this is draft, as I am I unsure about you final intentions, but I hope that my advice helps you create a nicely-structured final draft. Nstrathman (talk) 07:36, 26 February 2020 (UTC)
Ways to improve Darren Vigil Gray
[edit]Hello, Moe awad,
Thank you for creating Darren Vigil Gray.
I have tagged the page as having some issues to fix, as a part of our page curation process and note that:
The collection section failed verification. Almost nothing turns out to be correct, and the citations are links to pages that don't mention the subject. Verification is a core policy of Wikipedia. Please note that any material that needs a source but does not have one may be removed.
The tags can be removed by you or another editor once the issues they mention are addressed. If you have questions, leave a comment here and prepend it with {{Re|Vexations}}. And, don't forget to sign your reply with ~~~~. For broader editing help, please visit the Teahouse.
Delivered via the Page Curation tool, on behalf of the reviewer.