User talk:Mmonreal96/sandbox

Mmonreal96 Peer Review

A few grammar mistake: "One's style" (possessive pronoun)

A few spelling mistakes: "Customizing" in sentence two of paragraph one.

You have a good number of academic sources and you cite them all frequently and correctly. However, some of your diction seems a bit off. For example, in line three of your section on Mobile phone Personalization, you start a sentence with "As seen in today's social media era" but you don't make a connection between social media and customization of cell phones clear. I would recommend finding another way of stating this.

Also in the section "Mobile phone “cosmetic customization [is] changing the representation of the product without modifying its nature, and listed the activity of changing different surface features on standard products or using accessories or distinctive color cases" the second half of the sentence from "listed... color cases" is a dependent clause joined to an independent clause with a coordinating conjunction "and", which is incorrect. Either revise the second part of the sentence to be independent (ie. have a subject and verb), or join the two with a subordinating conjunction.

Here is a link to a grammar source explaining this in more detail: http://www.butte.edu/departments/cas/tipsheets/grammar/indep_clause.html

In this last sentence, "Due to the high demand in phone customization is Asia street vendors and phone case stores are common", I think you used "is Asia" rather than "among Asian street vendors".

In terms of how you present your actual content, your approach is neutral and presents only facts rather than interpretation, which was the goal of this assignment so good job there! If you fix the grammar mistakes and few spelling mistakes, I think that you will have a solid entry.