User talk:MimzLG2.0/sandbox
Feedback on Draft
[edit]Major revisions necessary.
There are significant problems with this draft that need to be addressed. I think you may have misunderstood the assignment.
- You need to show how your new sentences will fit in to the already-existing page on Patty Jenkins. You cannot repeat information that is already on that page. You should indicate in your draft where the existing sentences will go by using square brackets: [Existing biographical info about Reville here] Alternately, you could add your sentences directly to the existing page, being careful not to delete any high-quality existing text.
- You need to list at least two high-quality, reliable and independent sources in your References section and cite these sources throughout the page in order to support your claims.
- Wikipedia writing style must be neutral (like a traditional encyclopedia), not argumentative. You should not write an essay on “gender stereotypes,” but rather a factual biography of an accomplished woman filmmaker. Furthermore, you need an existing secondary source to support everything you write.
- The following statements are not in a neutral style: “Certain people didn’t agree on Jenkins input in the movie”; “The real issue was that Marvel wasn’t sure if Patty would be up to the task artistically for the movie.”; “Even is the corporation argues that it was not a gender issue, fundamentally it was.”
- If you have a reliable source to support these claims, you can rephrase them as “XXX has argued that the real issue was that Marvel wasn’t sure...” etc.
- The article needs to be significantly longer. Right now the prose is at around 270 words and it repeats information already on the Jenkins’ page. In the final article, you will need to contribute at least 500 new words of prose.
- If you have any questions about how to make these changes, don’t hesitate to make an appointment to come see me.