User talk:Miaeschlidt/sandbox

Great job explaining your beginning for your part of the improvement of the article. Really like how you added in examples and citations to be able to go to for further research. I appreciate how you also explain what you will add later on. Carlapicasso (talk) 23:53, 31 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I would take out "very big" in the first sentence and exchange it for another phrase like "powerful" or something like that to let the readers know that Android is a large company with a lot of authority. In the second sentence, I would not say "one would agree". You could probably merge together the first two sentences together because at first, it sounds like you are only going to be talking about Android. Try saying something like "Even though Andriod is a powerful company associated with social media, Apple is the biggest culprit of the incline in social media use." Try not to use words like "probably" as it does not read like a fact. Otherwise, I think this is great! Cbettica65 (talk) 13:26, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Mia,

You did great with citations. Your source looks credible. You should fix up with wordings and make it more professional and concise. Other than that good job! Robertpark1999 (talk) 13:31, 3 April 2019 (UTC)robertpark1999[reply]

Good job explaining what the topic is, I would try to stay neutral on the topic. Right now it seems as if you are promoting the apps and are a little biased. Overall, your citations look reliable and you're off to a good start.Henrykuv (talk) 16:47, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

This is a great start but there are a few grammatical errors such as the colon in your heading is unnecessary, the sentence " Gilt Groupe is a one the first brand to create an online app that offers individuals to buy clothes, furniture, and accessories at a lower price from a multitude of different brands." should read "Gilt Groupe is one of the first brands to create an online app that offers individuals clothes, furniture, and accessories from a multitude of brands at a lower price." And the sentence " "They're an app base company,..." starts off with a quotation but doesn't have a closing quotation. Sophieb905 (talk) 00:56, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Describe how Android is associated with social media. When you say "adding "all technology"", what are you referring to? Adding all technology to what, the fashion industry? "Also, known as sponsored content" should be added to the previous sentence, not its own sentence. Fields18x (talk) 01:07, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Good use in headers, make sure to link the article you are working on. Also, do not use first or second person such as "you" which is used in the third sentence. Starting at "Also, may (should be many) other companies..." I get a bit confused, mainly because I do not know where the following quote ends. I would first fix that and see if you can combine the quote with the sentence before (taking out also and maybe starting just with Dote Shopping) if that is what the quote is about. also, good use of links and citations. Oliviaohearn (talk) 01:52, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

There are some minor edits that need to be made for this paragraph to make gramatical sense. Last thing is that there are some sentence fragments that need revising and quotation marks always go outside of punctuation if you are going to have the Wikipedia editor look at it. Nothing more that other people have not already mentioned. Regards, Rapidrider (talk) 15:34, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Great job! I think the sources you used and the content is great! I think you should be wary of word choice. For instance, descriptive words should only be used if it was included in a source because it may come off as being opinionated. Awhite07 (talk) 23:21, 5 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I think that you are doing a very good job but remember to stay neutral (like mentioned about) about certain topics as not to give the impression to the reader that you might be bias. other than that very good! Casey518 (talk) 23:58, 5 April 2019 (UTC)Casey O'Connor[reply]

I enjoyed this description, but sometimes the wording was a little ambiguous. Also, I would be weary of using direct quotations and sticking to summarizing those quotes into facts. Benitalukose (talk) 03:13, 6 April 2019 (UTC)Benita Lukose[reply]

This sounds very organised, but it sounds very opinionated. Furthermore, I would consider making it more professional or concise. Bokyung0327 (talk) 01:44, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]