User talk:MetaFeta777/sandbox2

Instructor Feedback on Draft/Peer Review 2

BBetts0312 thanks for your peer review! You give good suggestions for content and grammar, as well as feedback on the article as a whole. Don't forget to log in when you're on Wikipedia, and remember to sign your comments! Grade: 14/15

MetaFeta777 first and foremost a reminder to add your response to Peer Review # 2 (from my email on March 17): By tomorrow, March 18 (ideally, but let me know if you can't for whatever reason): 1) Respond to your 2nd peer review in your sandbox talk page (10 points). Make all proofreading, grammatical, spelling, and structural changes. Make revisions if you have time, but in addition to the changes listed above, you must at acknowledge that you have seen the 2nd peer reviewer's suggestions, and write a brief sentence or two explaining what you will add to your article for the final draft and how your final article will be improved. You are currently losing marks for this, so please do it ASAP!

MetaFeta777 Next, please take all the suggestions your reviewer made and incorporate them into your final article. I saw your comment about the 'acts after war' section, and even if it wasn't added by you, I want you to expand this significantly. You're on the right track with some of the content you added, but you still need to follow up with your comment, below, about adding more content - since my March 7th content, you only added 75 words, so well short of the 500 goal. Remember: the words you add and content you improve doesn't ALL need to be brand new material - significant improvements can be made to a page just by editing and reworking the existing content. As your peer reviewer noted, the final two lines in the 2nd paragraph of the 'war' section both say 'demolish', and basically that entire section could be improved for style, grammar, and clarity. These sorts of edits contribute to your overall improvement of the article, so please keep that in mind for your final draft! You still have several points to accrue for this assignment so make the final push to the end and really take advantage of the time you have to work on this in the coming weeks! Grade: 8/15 (11/15 -3 for late submission, March 12). Gardneca (talk) 11:58, 21 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review 2

The new sentence added maybe change the end to “Numa had done” I think it just sounds better than using “did” twice but no really big deal.

I also noticed there are two content sections, just combine them and make one

In the war section, last lines in second paragraph remove ‘and demolished” or maybe change the word because it’s used in the previous sentence and I think would sound better.

The new info added about death and successor. The info is fine, but it seems like a long sentence. I would just break it up maybe like:

“A member of Ancus' court, Lucius Tarquinius Priscus, ensured that Ancus' sons would be out of Rome. This way, he could put together an election where he would gain support from the Roman people”

Overall, I thought the article was good. Also, I’m guessing it would be hard to a lot find accurate info about this guy because of how old he is. That being said, the intro was good, stated who he was, little background on him. Although, it doesn’t really say why/how he got in power. Just if I was a first-time reader or didn’t know anything about him. The next section before the contents seems to be out of place. I feel the section should be label and categorized in the content. Then fix the two content pages. Like I said, I’m sure it’s hard to find info but some more info into his rule and how he ran Rome would help the article overall. Just because it’s a lot of war content I feel this section could help improve it. The last section on death is pretty straightforward. Just some minor things but I thought it was good, add some pictures if you can find any. - Peer review left March 16 BBetts0312 don't forget to sign with four tildes (~) after leaving a comment.

Thanks for your feedback. I'll get rid of one of the extra 'contents' and I'll see if I can find information on Ancus' rise to power. MetaFeta777 (talk) 14:38, 25 March 2020 (UTC)

Instructor Feedback on Draft 1

MetaFeta777 thanks for adding a couple more sentences to your draft, but you still need to add a substantial amount of information to your draft for the next round of peer reviews. For example, each of the points that you added to acts after the war can be expanded to at least a paragraph each, if not more. I'd also like you to include information about the primary sources we have for Ancus (Livy, etc.), how they differ, and citations to each of these. If you need more concrete numbers to work towards, I want to see at least 500 words added. If you need to meet with me to discuss how to do this, please come see me or make an appt ASAP! Grade: 10/20 Gardneca (talk) 15:04, 7 March 2020 (UTC)

Thank you for the feedback. I will definitely look for more to add in the future. It has been difficult to look through my source as I have been under a lot of stress from other classes but I should have a lot more to say very soon. I still need to look through my sources further but I am certainly taking your feedback into consideration. I will look into Livy's account and see what I can include from that. --MetaFeta777 (talk) 19:51, 10 March 2020 (UTC)