User talk:Memarti8
Marie, Good work on the heteropatriarchy entry! I like the Smith quote! Laurie (9/19/2016) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ls-Fuller (talk • contribs) 21:24, 19 September 2016 (UTC)
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Memarti8, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 04:39, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
Feedback
[edit]Nice start on your sandbox.
- A Wikipedia article should start with a simple statement of what the topic is. You should be able to open by saying "Heteropatriatchy is [x}". Most people aren't going to read beyond your first sentence. The best opening like is probably your fourth sentence:
Heteropatriarchy is the resulting system of social dominance in which heterosexual men are privileged and routinely rewarded for presenting masculine traits.
Of course, if it's the opening sentence you'd have to modify it a little. So maybe something more like
Heteropatriarchy describes the system of social dominance in which heterosexual men are privileged and routinely rewarded for presenting masculine traits.
Or, you could set the context a little
Heteropatriarchy is used in popular feminist analysis to describe the system of social dominance in which heterosexual men are privileged and routinely rewarded for presenting masculine traits.
(That's a bit clumsy, so you'd need to refine that wording, if you wanted to go with something like that.
- Avoid using jargon. Remember that you are writing for the average person. For example, when you say something like
This organization is reinforced by the gender binary, which ascribes traits of femininity and masculinity to men and women
you're assuming a lot of background knowledge, a familiarity with the jargon.
- References go after punctuation, not before.
(If you reply to this message here, please include{{ping|Ian (Wiki Ed)}}in your response, to ensure that I see your reply.)
Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 22:46, 16 November 2016 (UTC)
Adding to article
[edit]I think the key thing to need to do is figure out how to merge what you've written with the existing article. It's easy enough to copy and paste into the article, but the bigger challenge is to make all the parts fit together. I'd recommend that you compare what's there with what you've written and merge it all together. Don't just add your text to the end - you probably want to slot parts in here and there in the article. Remove some of what's there, but leave other parts. That sort of thing. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:17, 7 December 2016 (UTC)