User talk:Megs91/Sandbox

{{helpme}} Hello, This is the first major edit I have attempted for Wikipedia so before I move it out of my sandbox and to Charles Hazlewood's current article I would appreciate any feedback about what I have done right and what I have done wrong, so I can make the article as good as possible! Thank you in advance--Megs91 (talk) 17:38, 13 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Meg! Allow me to start off by complimenting you on this great article; truly amazing for your first edit. Sure, it's got a few minor formatting errors, but the rest really makes up for it. I'm impressed! :)

However, I'm not going to let you off that easily. Here are a few things that can still be approved on (although, in my opinion, this is ready to become a real article):

The "Education and early career" section has a lot of things that need to referenced; for example, the "controversy in the British press", the words of The Times reviewer, and so forth. I'm having difficulty getting sources, because Google keeps shunting my searches to Canada-centric topics.
Try to avoid phrases that can be seen as biased (for example, in the last paragraph of the "Conductor" section, don't say "known for his pioneering of new work" without references). Instead, more neutral phrases that clearly show that we are attributing the words to an external source (e.g. "The BBC has called Hazlewood an exciting pioneer in his field^[1])
This is more of a format concern, but place references after the period or punctuation mark at the end of a sentence, not before.

Anyway, there are a few things to work on. Don't put this up quite yet, as I'd like to format it correctly and make it more presentable; we'd also need those sources to move on. Everything else looks great, though! Cheers, m.o.p 18:03, 13 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hi m.o.p thanks for such constructive criticism. I was a bit concerned about sounding biased so I will try re-wording some of the phrases. I have been struggling to find that review from the Times, too. I believe the reviewer was Stephen Pettitt but I am not sure. Please do make any changes you see fit!Megs91 (talk) 10:28, 16 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]