User talk:Mbaltas1/sandbox
Feedback from Dr. V
[edit]You have made a tremendous start in terms of identifying topics and putting your notes into the article. How much more of this work do you have left to do? When it's done, it's time to edit for clarity and put in sources. Much of the information on Greek societiteis themselves feel like they are less relevant to the article topic. You have many items that are not referenced. I would also edit for NPoV. I don't think you should avoid talking about alcohol and assault, but think about your primary topic - youth development. Before your peers see this, can you reconsider each sentence to think about whether it fits the topic of youth development.
I edited the title to have proper spelling and fit the requirements for capitalization for WP articles. Feel free to change it back. Think also about how you'll link your article to other articles on Greek life. These are my quick thoughts - let's talk more as needed. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 14:39, 5 November 2015 (UTC)
Hey Mbaltas1! This is a great start to an article. You have a lot to go off of here to make a spectacular page about the youth experience of Greek Letter Organizations! Here are a few of my suggestions:
Throughout the article, there is a lack of citations. The lead paragraph has many definitions about Greek Life and the reader should be confident that these definitions are scholarly and accurate. Statements, like this one, “Members, foremost and most concretely, are bonded through their organization's ritualistic practices,” should have some scholarly backing so the readers know it to be true.
It might be appropriate to link other Wikipedia articles about Greek Life in the lead paragraph section, see Fraternities and sororities, etc.
How do you want to capitalize Greek Letter Society? Whatever you decide, make sure to be consistent. I noticed in the Fraternities and sororities page that they used "Greek letter organization," maybe this capitalization pattern would be the most consistent.
In regards to these sentences, “in addition to class, racial factors within Greek Letter Organizations play a large role in how identity can be created. In conjunction with class, Greek life among college students in North America consists primarily of Caucasian members.” These two sentences can be condensed into one, it seems like that first sentence is “throat clearing.” Make sure to stray from these throughout your article.
To answer question in the Relationship part: I would say yes, include the negative views and the alcohol/drug aspect, this keeps a NPoV, showing both sides.
I don’t think you need to say the authors’ names or "this study..", it will be more concise and you can get your point across faster with just citing the sources.
To answer your question about the Race and Culture section, I think that you should state the facts, based on scholarly research. Greek Life is racially divisive and made up of one race, usually. Traditionally-Black Greek organizations are almost all Black and traditionally-white Greek organizations are mostly all white.
The Race and Culture section of the article would be even better if you expanded on the historically Black Greek Letter organizations. I actually think this topic might deserve it’s own heading or sub-heading beneath “Race and Culture”. See the National Pan-Hellenic Council page (it isn't long or fleshed-out, but it might provide some ideas!)
If you can find research about the effect of Greek Letter organizations in countries outside the US and their effect on transitions, I think that would be a great addition. Keep in mind, though, this is not an argumentative essay. It would be appropriate to just state the facts from research about the other countries. You could talk about how the chapters spread to these countries, how many students participate, studies that how shown a positive/negative effect on their lives, etc.
Overall, I think the key points to work on this week would be to add citations within the sections, so the reader can be confident that these statements and definitions are facts. Your article sometimes has an argumentative tone and I believe that adding studies with facts about identity could take some of that tone away and make it have a more NPoV. Adding parts about a negative impact on identity or the effect on the identity students who cannot/don't participate in GLO would also contribute to a more NPoV.
Writing Style: Writing shows awareness of WP expectations (good job!). There are some "throat clearing" sentences, but overall, nice work avoiding weasel and peacock terms. More work could be done making your tone seem neutral, formal, impersonal, and dispassionate, but I believe that this will come with more citations and information from those citations. Currently, there are no hyperlinks, but I know those will be easy to add this week!
Structure of article: The structure is great! Your lead paragraph establishes significance and can stand alone as a concise overview. The order of your sections is logical. There was no image, though, so make sure to add that.
Content: After fleshing out your international section and adding more about race and GLOs, I think your content will be right on track!
WP Community Standards: This writing is your own words. The emphasis on identity makes this article stand apart from other articles about Greek life. After you add more citations, this will meet WP standards as a good article!
Great work and I can't wait to see the final product!! ElleMegan (talk) 20:08, 15 November 2015 (UTC)
Feedback from Maddie Hasley
[edit]Greek letter society effect on youth identity
- "These organizations primarily consist of solely all women or all men". Could you talk about professional fraternities? How they differ and are co-ed.
- "Greek Letter societies, with their emphasis on member relations, provide a platform for members to tailor their identity based upon the factors surrounding them such as the unanimity within the chapter they pledge." This sentence is confusing. I think you could make many of your sentences less complex and more straightforward/to the point.
- In the first paragraph, you mention how those in tertiary education enroll in Greek life. In the third paragraph, you mention privilege of secondary education. I think you need to clarify which you are referring to you.
- I think you provide a good background of Greek life. However, I am a bit confused on the difference of a greek letter society and a greek letter organization. It would not hurt to clarify. The background you provide in this paragraph, though, is great.
Greek life and relationship building
- I think you could bring in ideas about social capital, human capital, networking,
- Breaking up the first paragraph may be beneficial to separate different ideas within this section.
- Citing more may be beneficial. You are a member of the Greek community and may already know some of these ideas. However, an outsider may not. It may be helpful to direct them to sources that they can read if they are still confused.
- Again, your wording is complex and I think putting it in simpler terms would allow a reader to more easily understand the content. Remember that Wikipedia is often a place people turn to when they know little about a topic.
- "Prior to college, young people rely more heavily upon their parents or parental figures for guidance through difficult transitions or stressful life situations". I think this sentence is written in a privileged mindset. Not all attend college. Not all have a parental figure that they can rely on for guidance. I am not quite sure how to put this in more inclusive language. I think putting it in a more transitional lens could be helpful. You start to do that in the following sentences
- I do think that you could examine negative effects in this section, specifically hazing. I don't think alcohol or drug abuse NEEDS to be addressed, but I think hazing would tie in well with relationship building and how it may be an obstacle to building relationships.
Class and privilege
- Explain greek families? It may be helpful to link, as Elle said, to various pages.
- Are there fines?
- I like how you incorporate networking opportunities but I think you could expand on that more.
Race and Culture
- I am not sure how you would incorporate this, but many Southern schools have alumni that actively (but not publicly) discriminate based on race and discontinue funding if the greek organization recruits minorities. So, even though Greek organizations are not allowed to discriminate, they still kind of can. You did a good job mentioning how minorities are often excluded from Greek life in general because of socioeconomic status, but how
- Expand more on black/Asian organizations. It will be more globally inclusive. How does it benefit those students? Why do they exist as specifically black or Asian?
International greek letter societies
- Cite where you got your info.
- You are definitely going to have to expand on this section to make it more global.
- Compare/contrast with American organizations.
- Do you feel that those in greek organizations in other countries experience in the same as Americans?
- Can you find statistics in involvement abroad? Versus involvement in America.
- Is the cost different?
- Do any greek letter organizations have global outreach philanthropies? (You could also talk about philanthropy in your page!)
Other things to add/mention
- News articles
- Higher Greek GPA average
- Legacy and admission
- Incorporate examples of different countries throughout your article. Right now, I kind of feel like the bulk of the page is implied that it is in America because you later mention international organizations. (American examples, then here is how it works internationally.) It may be beneficial to take out this section and incorporate international examples within your article.
Overall
- I can tell you've done your research. Great job! You have a lot of information and a very solid groundwork laid out.
- Simplify your sentences and ideas. Pretend that someone reading this has no familiarity with Greek life.
- Cite where your ideas come from
- You have room to add sociological ideas such as capital and transition theory
- Great job! Please reach out if you have any questions or clarifications.