User talk:MHDU/sandbox

Feedback

What you’ve got so far in your sections is a really good start, and you are doing a good job staying neutral. The lead paragraph is choppy, to fix this you may want to consider rearranging it, so that things like literacy rate and school are next to each other, this will enable you to add transitions between sentences if like topics are near each other.

My suggestion for each section would be to include a paragraph about how the status of the section topic, for example religion, affects youth. Also in the religion section, you should look for other information, gang related activity seems like a key factor, but other than that are youth’s religious, are they mostly evangelical, or are there other religions? Overall I would suggest looking at other “Youth in” pages to see how they laid out their sections and what they included.

To incorporate links you can just have the as part of the sentence, for Education in Guatemala, you can include the link in the sentence that starts with this phrase, otherwise you can look at the coding used for the link to STEM which uses STEM as the word you see but links to Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. If you need help with the coding, feel free to email me and we can set up a time to work through it. For unemployment check out the CIA world fact book, it has lots of information; I think youth unemployment is included in the people and society section, if not check under economy. This won’t give you more than statistics, but it’s a good place to start. Kjatczak (talk) 16:21, 31 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Quick Dr. V Feedback

Before peer edit, could you review your article and ask for feedback regarding missing content, organization, and order of items? Keep going - you have a great start.Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 14:30, 5 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback for your article by Parker Stinski

Hi Maddie! Overall, I think this is a great start. While you are missing a few sections, I think this is a great first draft. I think you have a neutral point of view, which is extremely important and you are doing a great job maintaining that. I have suggestions listed below.

Lead Paragraph

Like Kayla said, it seems a little choppy. I think it would be good if you could come up with a more appealing first sentence other than “Youth in Guatemala includes individuals between the age of 15 and 24”. I think this is important information, so do not get rid of it! Maybe just place it somewhere else.
Possibly use words that are appealing to very young people—like six year olds. In the second paragraph you use the word “volatile” and I’m not sure every 10-13 year old will know what that means.
Overall, I think you just need to work on expanding more on each section. I see you are just trying to do an overview of the sections to come, but make sure you expand on them rather than providing one sentence on the topic. Keep in mind that it would be a bad idea to write a lot about the topic before you really start discussing it, so just try and write 2-3 sentences about each topic in the lead paragraphs/overview.

Education

Lead sentence was stated in your overview paragraph—I would suggest removing one of them just so it does not sound too repetitive.
I’m not sure the quote marks are necessary when you quote Bonilla and Kawk in the second paragraph of this section since you are already citing them. But that might be a question for Dr. V.
Make sure you talk more about the way social ties are more important! Why is that? What are the benefits of a stronger social network than education? How does that kind of contradict the paragraph above it?

Unemployment

I can see how this section would be difficult to find information for. Have you tried using the different article databases on the Cowles Library site?
I think tying in volunteerism would be extremely important! Would you agree with me when I say that the U.S. and other global north countries are the one’s that often volunteer in these kinds of countries? This will be a great way to tie in the global youth studies perspective! It shows how the global north and south interact with one another and the importance of their relationship.
- If you were interested in doing this, you could also even talk about volunteer tourism. This is when people volunteer their time but are often scrutinized for their work because it is seen as a resume builder. They are also seen as causing more harm than good because the children in these countries from an attachment to the volunteers and are devastated when they leave.

Poverty

What are the affects of extreme poverty? (I know that sounds like a silly question, but expanding on it would be beneficial for your reader).
What does the other 86.5% experience financially? Is there a 1% like there is in the United States?
I really like the quote you used in this section because I think it leads into the Health section nicely. Good job structuring it so it is appealing to the reader!
- What is the Millennium Development Goals?

Health

”While there has been an increase in spending regarding health care, the system relies on private expenditure. A majority of Guatemalans pay for their health costs out-of-pocket. Thus, creating the unequal access to services.” – How? Why?
I love the idea of incorporating Emelin’s statement into this section. My only concern is that it might sound too much like an essay. However, I think you could make it sound more like a Wikipedia article if you back this statement up with other facts and statistics (not from the same source). Having various sources on this topic will legitimize it more and make it more concrete.
You also say "recently" when referring to Emelin's statement.. Specific statements of time are important and "recently" is listed as a word to watch. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Parkerstinski (talk • contribs) 00:02, 15 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Crime

The opening sentence may be a fact, but it can also be seen as an opinion. Some believe the United States is very dangerous because of all of our gun violence. I would create a different lead sentence, but it is still important to include the fact that Guatemala has the highest homicide rights.
Youth participation in violence has become normalized” – Source?
Love the way you incorporated religion into this section—great transition!
Again, just expand. You have some great content and you are on track, but make sure you are expanding in areas, such as the last paragraph for this section.

Religion

How does the funding from United States Agency for International Development contribute to the sociological approach of global youth studies? In other words, how does Guatemala’s relationship with the global north create a global youth perspective?
How does it promote social capital and what is it? Source needed.

Migration

More sources and citations are necessary in the first paragraph.
- ”… sometimes to coastal areas where education and health services are inadequate, to support their family.”
- ”Political and corruption and violence are also factors that cause a parent to leave their child or children with other caretakers.”
Expand on the relationship between U.S. and Guatemala! Why do they migrate to the United States? Why do they seek the global north? What benefits do they have here they do not have in Guatemala?
Finding a source on the effects migration has on children would be great. What is it that they are experiencing?

Overall, I think you have some great stuff here! You do a great job maintaining a NPoV, which is something a lot of us seem to be struggling with, so good work. A few things I noticed were that you need to expand more, use words that are appealing to 10-13 year olds, and make sure your sources are formatted correctly. I’ve talked to you about this already, but just make sure you expand more. You are on the right track and have some great information, so you should be good to go—just make sure you are citing the information and making the information more concrete rather than just pulling quotes from the articles. Again, just make sure you use words that all readers will know what you mean. Even though words like “volatile” do not seem like difficult words for us, I feel like they may have the potential to confuse the reader. Lastly, just make sure your references are formatted correctly at the very end. I noticed that .pdf’s were missing in the references. Also, maybe consider adding another picture! Pictures make the page more appealing to the eye. Also, like Kayla said, take a look at other “Youth in” pages. You can then tag those pages to your page and you can also take a look at how things are structured. Other than that, great work! Can’t wait to see the final product! - Parkerstinski (talk) 23:31, 14 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]