User talk:Loolootje

This user is a student editor in Johns_Hopkins_University/Follow_the_money_Science,_technology,_and_the_knowledge_economy_(Fall_2018) .

Welcome!

Hello, Loolootje, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:41, 10 September 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

Here are some notes on your draft, as mentioned in the email:

This is written in a fairly casual tone in places, to where it feels like more of an essay. This is especially strong with the Social Entrepreneurship and Ashoka sections. With writing styles, avoid anything that could be seen as a personal interpretation or opinion. It's better to be a little cut and dry than narrative, so to speak.
While the existing article does have some issues, it's OK to use some of the material verbatim and wouldn't be seen as plagiarism since you would be building on an existing work.
In the awards section you list Drayton as one of the first people to receive the MacArthus Fellowship, however he received this in 1984 and the fellowship itself was launched in 1981. While he was one of the early people to receive the fellowship, he wasn't one of the first - the first people would be the ones who received it in 1981 and presumably 1982. To put this into a bit of perspective, about 100 people received the fellowship before he did. To be honest, I typically just list out the awards and honors a person has received, since it's so easy for a section like this to seem promotional, and I've changed this to a list. Basically, because awards are so easy to talk up as prestigious and make the recipient seem better, they need to be very carefully displayed.

I can help with the writing and give you an example, if you like. I've tweaked the lead a little to this end, but I can help with this a bit more if you want. Let me know on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:11, 30 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]