User talk:Llculp/sandbox
I am still planning on fleshing out these sections more for the final article, particularly in terms of describing the arpilleras themselves, the reception they received at the time, and their legacy and international impact. In terms of feedback, for now I am especially interested in getting notes about tone (how neutral the article comes across, especially in the background section) and sources (whether I'm relying too heavily on a handful of sources). I'm also interested in hearing about whether sufficient background information so that the arpilleras are adequately contextualized in terms of the regime change and particularly its socioeconomic impact Llculp (talk)
Liana, great work so far. Stylistically, I'd recommend that you use simpler sentences in the background so that it is easier to follow the chain of events. The background has lots of details so at times it can be challenging to follow. Using active rather than passive sentences would make the article more engaging. Grammatically, check the tenses and subject-verb agreement of your sentences.Your article would benefit from images so readers have an idea of the arpilleras. Content wise, your background is fine, but I am unclear how the "Background" section differs from the "History" section, since both provide context for the arpilleras. Perhaps you could word the headings differently? It would be helpful to elaborate a little bit more on the development of women's groups in Chile by providing more examples.
The article reads fairly neutrally, but there are some sentences in the background which sound very reductionist (eg. "From its first days in power, the Pinochet regime was characterized by authoritarianism, violence, and human rights violation"). Although you provide facts supporting this claim, I would leave the readers to draw their own conclusions.
I look forward to reading more about the socioeconomic and international impact of the arpilleras. Amandayeoh (talk) 08:42, 11 April 2017 (UTC)Amandayeoh
Liana,
Overall, your article seems pretty strong. The language comes across as neutral and very informative. The organization seems logical and effective (although I might suggest re-titling "background" as "political background" or "political context"
- I agree with you that there should be more description of the arpilleras, their legacy, and impact - I look forward to seeing what you write. I would also be interested in seeing discussion of their artistic context - are they connected to Andean fiber art traditions? Or are they more closely related to the political protest art of the period and things like the Nueva cancion movement that was popular in Chile?
- I would also be interested in learning more about the theories and social dynamics behind the creation of arpilleras - you mention liberation theology, but could expand on that, as well as other social movements and theories involved
- Of your article, the most interesting section to me was "Artistic forms and themes" so I would love to see more discussion there of the women who made the arpilleras, and what they chose to represent (you say the women were generally unemployed and working class, but were they primarily rural or urban? young or old? was making arpilleras common among chilean women, or was it very revolutionary and taboo?) If you have any information on that sort of thing, I would be interested to see it in the article.
- With regards to your concern about tone in the "background" section, I think it is very reasonable and seems neutral. I agree with Amanda that shortening/simplifying a few sentences could clarify that section, though.
- As for sources, while I don't distrust the BBC and Slate, if there are more academic sources available, I think they would be slightly preferable. I would also be curious to see if you can find sources that analyze the significance of arpilleras more in depth- are their sources that discuss the feminist/womanist significance of this movement? or the intersection of class and sex, and the importance of a protest movement dominated by working class women? Alternately, are there sources that discuss the artistic imagery of the arpilleras, or that discuss their role within protest art movements? I don't necessarily think that you're relying too heavily on the sources you have, but it could be interesting to explore a few other directions.
You have a great article so far - let me know if you have questions about my feedback.