User talk:LeahChiorello/sandbox

I think the lead paragraph provides a good amount of information regarding the Kuvi language but I still think some more could be added. The paragraph does not flow in a way which is sound to the reader nor is it intriguing or something that captures the essence of the article in full. I removed "this article will discuss..." "this article will go into detail about..." and other phrases such as this because it is already a part of the article and the introduction to it should highlight specific point rather than talk about what the article will and won't do in this manner. I believe this takes away from the encyclopedic tone that is expected within the Wikipedia community. I went through several of your sources and found that they were very well chosen sources applicable to the subject and with enough information to form an article around, so taking some basic information could help make a stronger lead paragraph. Additionally, I added external links to other Wikipedia pages with some of the terms you provided so that the reader can click on these in order to see what these terms mean. Overall, I would proofread and edit the lead to make it a part of the article rather than a preface to it, excluding the phrasing "this article will talk about" and similar phrases. In terms of APA citation it seems to be well cited and your sources seem to provide a good amount of information. Obroydo (talk) 19:16, 4 April 2017 (UTC)