User talk:Lcordover
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Virginia/USEM-Seeking_Truth_in_Research_(Spring_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Lcordover, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:02, 12 February 2020 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! I have some notes for you. Overall I think that you have a good base here - the majority of this will be just tweaking it to fit Wikipedia's writing style.
- With the section about their relationship, this needs some editing for flow, since the sentences read a little choppy. I think that you definitely hit on an important area to add to the article, as their relationship with one another is definitely going to be of importance to the topic. Maybe finesse it a little like this?
- Love and Huguely met their freshman year and at the time of her murder, had been dating for approximately two years. The two were frequently seen spending time with each other and in the company of their teammates. Reports have stated that Huguely exhibited aggressive behaviors towards Love that included physical and emotional abuse. Friends of Love have also reported that she received threatening text messages and emails from Huguely and that she had received death threats prior to her murder. According to former lacrosse teammates, Huguely physically assaulted a teammate after hearing that he kissed Love.
- This is the same information, just finessed a little, if you want to use this.
- It looks like you want to expand the information about the OLF, however one of the sections concerns warning signs of abuse. While the intent here is definitely noble on your part to want to have this listed and the information is something people should know, it does fall out of the bounds of what Wikipedia is meant to cover and the topic area of the article. This deals with general abuse and the article should focus specifically on the murder of Love. As such, that section needs to be removed.
- The other section about the OLF is written from a fairly positive, praising standpoint, which poses issues of neutrality. This should take a more matter of fact perspective of the organization, which can read as follows:
- Love wore jersey number 1 while playing lacrosse for the University of Virginia and the team retired her number. Within months of her murder, her family established the One Love Foundation to raise awareness about domestic violence, especially relationship violence. The purpose of the foundation is to "educate young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships, empowering them to identify and avoid abuse and learn how to love better." To do this, the foundation pairs fictional films with discussions between peers as a way of opening discourse.
- In 2014 the One Love Foundation held their first Escalation workshop at the University of Jacksonville, where they screened and discussed their film Escalation with student-athletes. The foundation's goal is for universities and colleges in the United States to make workshops about relationship violence mandatory for all student-athletes.
- This is more to the point and eschews some of the language that could be seen as a bit promotional or non-neutral. Even though the average person would agree that stopping relationship violence is a very, very good thing, the article should still be in a neutral language.
- One of the sources goes to a general article about ebooks on EBESCOhost, rather than to a source that discusses the claims.
I hope this helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:03, 6 March 2020 (UTC)