User talk:Laracrafty
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Laracrafty, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:37, 16 September 2016 (UTC)
"Hans Scheirl" Review
[edit]I left feedback on the link off of your article on the WikiEdu board but I was told to also submit here, so apologies if you get this information twice.
Language needs overall work. Watch the grammar, run on sentences and way in which you state your information. Some of your content comes off as if you were writing an essay, so make sure to review and put it into more of a wikipedia style.
Introduction You need to watch when you say "his first testosterone shot was taken at the age of 40 and he began transitioning. He identifies as "boy, dragking, transvestite, transgender...[and] insect."[2] it is a bit misleading and confusing. Make sure to understand what you want to state and to state it in your own words rather then quoting other works like you would in an essay.
Career: Film Make sure to correct "video" to "films in the sentence, "directed 52 super-8 films and two short videos in 1986". Make sure you are using proper film language throughout your article in reference to, "Scheirl is known to use film as a medium to experiment with gender and identity, often through montage, and relates his film to identifying as "cyborg." [3][4] Film is a medium, and "experiment with gender and identity"? try re-writing this sentence and make sure to follow suit with the rest of the article.
Flaming Ears (1991) Make sure to add the release dates to each film title every time you mention it. Make sure to add it to this sentence, "as Rote Ohren fetzen durch Asche, Flaming Ears". [5][6]Also watch the rest of your grammar in this paragraph, you also draw a little to close to your sourced material. Again restate in your own words rather then quoting to closely to other works.
Overall your article is not bad! you did a great job, you just need to do a good edit.
Ways to improve Hans Scheirl
[edit]Hi, I'm Devopam. Laracrafty, thanks for creating Hans Scheirl!
I've just tagged the page, using our page curation tools, as having some issues to fix. Please avoid individual viewpoint, as that is not admissible per Wiki norms. "He thinks , He states" sort of statements specifically.
The tags can be removed by you or another editor once the issues they mention are addressed. If you have questions, you can leave a comment on my talk page. Or, for more editing help, talk to the volunteers at the Teahouse. Devopam (talk) 12:59, 29 December 2016 (UTC)
- ^ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Scheirl#cite_note-:0-1
- ^ Kunziar, Alice (2000). The Queer German Cinema. Stanford: Stanford University Press.
- ^ Kunziar, Alice (2000). The Queer German Cinema. Stanford: Stanford University Press.
- ^ Finney, Gail (2006). Visual Culture in Twentieth-Century Germany: Text as Spectacle. Bloomington: Indiana University Press
- ^ Kunziar, Alice (2000). The Queer German Cinema. Stanford: Stanford University Press.
- ^ Daniel, Lisa; Jackson, Claire (2003). The Bent Lens. Crows Nest: Allen & Unwin.