User talk:LaSaltarella/DoctoralOrigins

Review---first thoughts

I don't have time to review this in detail, but I was curious as to what doctoralorigins were... so I wanted to read the first paragraph. To answer your concern about POV, let me ask you what you would think if your read:

If there is a problem with the “dumbing down” of America, it isn’t in the corner of Dennison grads.

That sentence jumps out as POV/advertising. It reads as, "We're too good and cannot be blamed, others are." The next sentence was hard to follow and should be reworded. Again, I haven't read the article and can't comment on the subject as a whole, but that sentence is guaranteed to get a POV label. Balloonman 20:53, 26 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I will work on it over the next few days to improve it. Clearly, it is not in any finalized version. WikiprojectOWU 19:12, 27 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

nod... no problem, I will try to give it a more thorough review this weekend... I've been on a virtual wikibreak over Christmas break. Balloonman 15:20, 28 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The introductory and conconcluding sections are going to be a hard sell as far as NPOV is concerned. The rest of the article is a little choppy---and I feel like I've read most of it elsewhere already. In all honesty, I'm not completely sold on the idea of this page---but that might be because the intro sets the wrong tone. It puts me on a defensiveness that I'm about to be sold something. Balloonman 23:40, 29 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]