User talk:Kindamysteriousalittlebithispter/sandbox
Peer Review
[edit]Hello, I'm peer reviewing your draft for the article. What you have looks like a good addition: you cited often and your sources look relevant and reputable. If you decide to add more with another source, I'd suggest trying to find one from within the last 10 years. Because you're adding onto an existing paragraph, I'd suggest bringing that paragraph to your sandbox for editing so that you can make sure your information isn't repeating what's already there too much, and if it is, you could add the supporting information where it's relevant rather than bringing it up again in a separate paragraph. It might also help make the section really clear and readable if you added sub-sections--for example, dividing those that support the hypothesis and those that oppose it. That's mostly a suggestion if you struggle with how to best incorporate it into the existing article, as your current structure flows well. The grammar looks correct and overall the tone seems sufficiently encyclopedic. There were a few very minor things that seemed like they could be rephrased slightly, but I don't think that they are incorrect, so use your own discretion.
"In 1989, Jacqueline S. Johnson and Elissa L. Newport found support for the claim that second languages are more easily acquired before puberty, or more specifically in their case, before the age of seven."
The sentence would flow better and seem more formal if you just wrote "...that second languages are more easily acquired before the age of seven". If you really wanted to emphasize that most research is considering critical period to be before puberty, then you could replace "or more specifically in their case" with "especially". Alternatively omit everything after "puberty", considering you go on to explain that their findings indicated seven as a critical age.
You used "however" a couple of times, which may not be incorrect, but to me makes the article appear more essay-like than encyclopedic; this might be another reason to consider separating the support and criticism, so that you can retain the effect of contrasting the information without sounding like an essay. Nleor623 (talk) 17:41, 24 April 2017 (UTC)