User talk:Khiranoneill/sandbox

Jasmine

Review of Greenest City: Nice work! some improvements...

when referring to Vancouver as ‘the city’, city does not need to be capitalized
when referring to Vancouver as ‘the City of Vancouver, in some places you forgot to capitalize the ‘c’
in the ‘Current Status’ section: you make reference to the 28 km cycling path, I assume this is the seawall. You can create a related link here to Stanley Park or the seawall so readers know where to go for more info.
It may be helpful to give examples for the goals. For example, what are the types of green jobs available in Vancouver? What buildings currently in the city have been built with sustainability in mind?
The reader may be unaware of the state of Vancouver prior to these goals being set in place. Are you able to find statistics on what the city’s bylaws on waste/compost were like before 2009? When did we start encouraging the use of public transit and biking, when did the bike lanes initiative start? What was pollution/air quality like prior to 2009? You could add this info in the background section or create a new section.
You mention that Vancouver has been awarded for its sustainability initiatives. How does it compare to other major cities in Canada or US cities along the west coast? This information would be helpful to put the initiatives of the City of Vancouver into perspective and give the reader a better understanding.
It would also be helpful to mention in the ‘Support’ section if Vancouver is encouraging other cities to follow similar goals (I understand this is dependent on the info you are able to find, but worth a shot!)
More images of Vancouver would be great! Especially those representing it as a green city such as the seawall, bike lanes, public transit, mountains/trees/nature. I understand this is copyright dependent, but would be helpful to aid the reader.

Jasminekchauhan (talk) 23:49, 10 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Dominique

Good work! I think you have included a lot of really good information. A couple minor details could be added to enhance your page. You discuss the beaches/shorelines brought back to life by this initiative. Examples of the beaches before and after would help show us how much they are impacting the city. You can also give examples of the bike paths that have been added or expanded and if there are pages that discuss them provide the appropriate links. You mention the 2 million dollars given to community led projects but what are these projects? What are their purpose and what have they done? At the end you say that Vancouver was rated 4th Greenest City, but who were the top 3? I think it would help to give the readers some perspective.

I think the above reviewer is correct that some more pictures could really help catch the eye while reading your page.

Apart from some minor details to add it is a very interesting page!

Mali

I think this page is really good, and informative about the upcoming Green City Action Plan. A few suggestions I have is that when you are mentioning the goals that they want to achieve, maybe add a short sentence about what the initiatives are behind the goals or add a sentence explaining the goals of the plan, so readers have an idea about what that section focuses on. Another suggestion I have is maybe adding a table on the side bar with basic information such as the city, the project, who implemented the project etc. This also gives an overview of what the page will talk about. Apart from that I think this is a really good Wikipedia page, and the other comments I had have been mentioned above! Great job!

Carol

This is a really interesting and informative page that you're expanding, regarding Vancouver's GCAP! I really do like that you're including the overall reception of the GCAP initiative that allows future readers to access information and criticism from both opposing and supporting sides instead of creating an unintentional bias. Great work! Some suggestions for improvement:

Overall organization and content:

I would suggest adding an external link or reference after paraphrasing the mission statement in the second sentence under the "Greenest City Action Plan" header. For the "Background" heading, you may want to add more details about the "Greenest City Action Team" with its team initiatives and official mission statement that you could perhaps link to. Under the "Current Status" heading, it would be good to place a link after the second sentence to support the statistic of 80%. Like Jasmine said, you may want to clarify whether the 28km oceanside cycling path is an addition to the Seawall path.

Writing quality:

Just take some time to look for punctuation errors and consider academic formality when writing! Instead of a paper, you want it to sound more like a formal news article or report.

Under the "Current Status" header, you wrote: "According to the City of Vancouver website, there have been many steps taken to reduce waste and recycle more in the City". You can take out the first part and just say "There have been many initiatives taken to reduce waste and encourage recycling in the city". Use either "city" or "City of Vancouver". You may want to reconsider writing "cleaned up and brought back to life" - perhaps you can reword it to "cleaned up and restored"? I'm also a little confused with the wording of the 3rd paragraph under this header. You should add in a comma after "Currently", and a semicolon before and a comma after "however". Could you somehow reword or clarify what you're trying to say in the last sentence of the third paragraph? I'm having some trouble understanding what you're trying to say with its wordiness.

Under the "Reception" header, instead of writing "Some of the respondents", you can shorten it to "Some respondents" to avoid overall wordiness. You mention under the "Criticism" section that the action plan is not enough and that “we need to do more to protect what we have rather than react to what we’ve lost.”[5] I would suggest that you make some improvements here by saying that the "action plan is not enough in regards to ______", then insert the link to the article to where the quote originated from. I find that the direct insertion of the quote may not be the best choice to be included in this page, which takes away from the academic formality of the article. Under the "Support" section, you might want to replace the use of the hyphen (used as emphasis) with just a simple comma. You also wrote "In 2015, Vancouver won a C40 Cities award..." - Just to clarify, should you use "a" or "the"? Is there more than one C40 Cities Award each year that have several recipients?

Illustrations:

The picture of Robson Square is a great addition to your page! I would suggest adding more visuals of Vancouver nature, parks (Stanley Park?), and cycling lanes in Downtown Vancouver that really encompass the eco-friendly feel of our city.

Caroldng (talk) 13:28, 21 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Rosie

Your peer reviewers have given many important suggestions, and you should try to implement them all. Here are a few specific points:

The various 'reduce' and 'increase' goals are very mild. Are the desired sizes of the reductions and increases specified anywhere?
If Vancouver achieves all 10 goals by 2020, will it consider itself to be the greenest city in the world? (Does this take into account how other cities will have changed over that period?) Or will it want to be ranked #1 by the Global Green Economy Index.
Put 'Vancouver' in the page title.
I would combine the first three sentences into a Lead paragraph (before the Table of Contents).
Adding an Infobox might be appropriate
Are most of your references to the same City of Vancouver document? Using a few more independent sources would be an improvement.
It seems redundant to have both this new page and a History of Green Policies in Vancouver page. But that is a very long page already, so I agree that having yours separate is reasonable.
I agree that more 'green' pictures would be good.

Rosieredfield (talk) 00:47, 25 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ruth

Just a couple of things:

"There needs to be doable actions and specific measures taken towards each goal without more development projects that would have adverse results of hurting the environment." Who said this? where is this from? This needs a reference.
The photo doesn't really fit in. One or more photos of something directly related to the plan, with a short explanation of this in the photo caption is needed.

RuthVancouver (talk)