User talk:Kensei Kishimoto
| This user is a student editor in UCLA/Chem_153A_Honors_(Spring_2018) . |
Hi Kensei,
Nice job on your article! Here are some comments:
The first sentence is too wordy and confusing. I have no idea what its saying.
The lead paragraph has a lot of great information, but it can use some reorganization. Perhaps starting with the gene that encodes for pdr1p then transitioning into the possible functions. It is also a bit confusing when you describe Pdr1p as a transcription factor in one sentence and a zinc finger protein in another sentence. Maybe I am reading it wrong, but the differences or similarities between both of those sentences should be cleared up.
Assuming that you will transform the transcriptional role paragraph into an actual paragraph, I think that the content is great! Perhaps giving a brief description of words such as fluphenazine, cycloheximide etc. could make the paragraph flow a little better and make it more readable for a high school student.
I am not sure how significant the interactions with other transcriptional factors are. If there is not much information out there, I think this paragraph should be excised.
Delete “as mentioned above”. It does not seem professional. What you say about developing tolerance seems interesting. Perhaps add another paragraph actually elaborating on therapeutic studies or disease studies?
Overall, the content that is present is very detailed and unbiased. Because there are a lot of words that I am not familiar with, it is hard to read this article. It is organized in a way that will seem to make sense once the content is fleshed out. Considering this is a completely new page, great start!
Thanks,
Sean — Preceding unsigned comment added by Wpongster8 (talk • contribs) 22:07, 31 May 2018 (UTC)
(Peer Review) Hi Kensei,
First I like that you were able to expand this article because I checked out how it looked before you edited it and it was so short!
Some other comments:
In the first sentence, I know you did not write this yourself but maybe you could add that Saccharomyces cerevisiae is yeast before using the scientific name for it. I feel that "yeast" would give readers who are unfamiliar with the subject a better understanding of what's going on. Furthermore, do you happen to know what toxins are tolerated by the aid of Pdr1p? Also, what does Pdr1p stand for?
Overall, the first intro feels a little too complicated for general public use. I think it would benefit if you summarized it using more basic terms! You can also link more of the vocab words such as "motifs" and things like that.
Based on headings: Transcriptional role: - Do you consider synthesizing the bullet points into a paragraph form? I think it would match the writing theme of Wikipedia more
- The article page has been labelled with "provides insufficient context," so adding more information about what is being said would be an improvement.
- It was a little bit difficult to follow because of this lack of context; I think giving a definition of what things are before mentioning them could help (for example, mention that cycloheximide and oligomycin are types of toxins)
Interactions with other transcriptional factors: - What is Pdr3p? And the other acronyms?
- I think introducing Pdr1p's interactions with the other transcriptional factors is a good idea since transcription in general is often complicated, so elaborating on this topic would be valuable
Importance: - You could make a section titled "Pharmacology" for the topic you are introducing, since it seems heavily focused on studying the activity of this factor with regard to medicine and mechanism of action
I think you introduced a lot of good topics that are contributing nicely to this article, however I think the main improvement would be to elaborate and clarify the complicated scientific jargon.
Elleevikram (talk) 09:12, 30 May 2018 (UTC)
Kensei Kishimoto, you are invited to the Teahouse!
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Hi Kensei Kishimoto! Thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. We hope to see you there!
Delivered by HostBot on behalf of the Teahouse hosts 16:08, 13 April 2018 (UTC) |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Kensei Kishimoto, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 03:13, 25 April 2018 (UTC)