User talk:Kcabral18/sandbox

The intro

Hi Kcabral18, I'm Adam and I'm providing support for your class.

I think the changes you've got for the introduction section look good. I would re-organize them a bit. Right now the Mattapan article starts with the right three sentences. It tells you what Mattapan is, when it was created and how big it is. If I'm looking up a neighborhood for any reason--imagine someone in Holland or Tucson or Guam follows a link to Mattapan. They'd want to know that first. Try and re-organize your intro with that thing in mind. The intro is all about making a quick but accurate summary, with the important declarative facts right up front.
I removed some of your intro citations but I'd say that honestly the article's intro paragraph with specific quotes (which always need a citation) is hard to improve on, so I'd leave it be.

I'll take a look at the rest in a bit, but I think if you try that it will make your draft intro much better. Let me know if you need a hand. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:57, 7 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've edited the urban policies section a bit. I removed a claim which was cited to a particular wikipedia article. Remember, we want to link to other articles within the text where it helps. In this case if we want to link to urban renewal, we don't need to define it. But we can't use another article as a source. I also removed a few passages which seemed to read more like a press release for the mayor of boston than an article. Remember, a we should try to be as neutral as possible. In practice that means when we're summarizing press releases or material that might be written to promote, we have to be careful. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:39, 7 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]