User talk:Johanna bauer
| This user is a student editor in Rowan_College_at_Burlington_County/Society,_Ethics,_and_Technology_(Summer) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Johanna bauer, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:23, 10 June 2019 (UTC)
Article
[edit]Hi! I saw that you moved your article live, however there are some issues with the page that need to be resolved before it should be moved back. Here are my notes:
- This is written in a fairly non-neutral tone, as it comes across as a little too casual in places. This was partially because of the use of Siminoff's first name - unless the person is very widely known under their first name or a single name, the last name should always be used. The only exception would be in cases where the article refers to multiple people by the same name. For example, if the article were to discuss Siminoff's parents in any true depth, you'd refer to them by their first names unless they had a different last name. Be very careful so that you aren't writing in a too overly positive tone.
- Avoid editorializing or including any content that could be seen as a point of view statement. If you're pulling this from the source, then something like this needs to be in a directly attributed quote such as "The pie was described as delicious by Jane Eyre" or "Jane Eyre stated "the pie was delicious"." You also want to make sure that the material is relatively straight to the point - keep in mind that not all details are really considered to be necessary as far as Wikipedia goes. For example, you could re-write the following passage:
- In middle school, Siminoff struggled as a student. He was known for being a class clown. Instead of studying, Siminoff spent most of his time in his garage building. In high school Siminoff’s dad offered him a new SUV for straight A’s which was the incentive he needed to study. In college, Siminoff found his calling. He was much more engaged in the classes and used his entrepreneurship skills to make money. He would sell electronics and was paid to create business plans.
- As this:
- He initially struggled as a student due to poor study habits but later improved after his father promised to buy Siminoff a new car in exchange for straight As on his report card. While attending college Siminoff used his entrepreneurship skills to make money by selling electronics and creating business plans.
- The general gist of the passage is that he was a poor student until his father made a deal with him, after which point he excelled, and that during college he worked to earn money. There's no true need to go into details about him being a class clown since that's kind of a bit extraneous, and him excelling in college is kind of a given because of his father's actions.
- It looks like Siminoff is primarily notable for Ring and the article for the company already covers this so what you need to establish here is how he's independently notable outside of the company. To establish this you'll need a lot of coverage in reliable sources that specifically focuses on Siminoff. I'm kind of concerned that there may not be enough out there to establish independent notability. The general rule of thumb with Wikipedia is that if someone is primarily notable for a single thing (like a company) then there should be an article on the thing rather than the person.
I hope that this all helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:44, 15 July 2019 (UTC)
- Sorry! I thought I'd linked it - I moved the article to User:Johanna bauer/Jamie Siminoff. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:12, 17 July 2019 (UTC)