User talk:Joeyespm163ac/sandbox

Peer Review

The abundant information on Yemen Civil War and any related historical events really impressed me. The explanations of not only the background, but also the relationship between environment and Yemen Civil War are all presented in a clear way and are easily readable. Also, the resources are reliable and provide necessary information. Our group is lacking sufficient resources right now, and we should definitely work on research as soon as possible just like your group did.

However, there are several aspects that might need improvements on in my opinion. First, the structure is not clear. A lead section is needed to give a definition and a brief and concise explanation of the topic. The article now goes straightly into the environmental conditions in Yemen and doesn't introduce Yemen Civil War until the second section. This might be confusing for the readers about the purpose of the article. In addition, please make sure the relationships between subsections and the big section they are under make sense. If the relationship is not self-evident, it might be good to explain it a bit. For example, the introduction of Yemen Civil War is put under Refugees Impact section right now, and this might not be reasonable. Also, I saw a small section of U.S. Involvement, which is great because explanation of foreign involvements is necessary for every political issue on the international level, but I'm not sure if it's environment-related, so where to put it might needs to be reconsidered. Do we need a section for it or just briefly note it when introducing Yemen Civil War? One last thing, I noted some minor grammar mistakes especially in the first few paragraphs of the article. I understand everything is still on the draft stage, so nothing big. Overall great work, guys! Freyachun (talk) 05:23, 11 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review #2:

I think you all are off to a really great start with this article! You already have a lot of information and are presenting it well. I noticed a bit of tiny typos/grammar errors, and so I actually just edited them in your sandbox because I thought it would be to tedious to try to explain each one in my peer review (hope that's alright). Another small note is that the heading size for 'Refugee Impacts' is bigger than the others, don't know if that was intentional. One big thing is that I couldn't find your lead section. I think once you get to writing a lead section, it will really help clarify what you are trying to accomplish with this page and why you've organized it the way that you have. Another bigger picture feedback I have is that there is a lot more that can be done to focus this article with a justice lens. I think that it is a great topic with an abundance of connections that you can draw to EJ, but I think to do so there might need to be more analysis of the power structures and institutions that led to this war, and how that has shaped the oppression of Yemeni people. It looks good so far, though! I think that as you continue working on this project, you will be able to build upon each section more and tie it all together. Silamave (talk) 06:48, 11 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review 3:

I think you chose an excellent topic that is important, timely, and related to environmental justice. The first few headings (climate change; desertification; and water) have a logical flow and seem to fit the theme well. I also like the portion about refugee impact-- this is something I would like to know more about, and I'm glad you are contributing it to Wikipedia. You used strong sources that fit the topic-- well-done on that front. Like I mentioned, this is a great topic. I look forward to reading the final product.

A few critiques: the intro is not clear; it is somewhat difficult to follow and understand. I think your article will be much stronger if you refocus your intro and use clearer, more pointed sentences with logical flow. I recommend trying to keep it simple and getting into the more complex stuff in the body. I also noticed there seems to be an abundance of information that doesn't seem to tie into the topic. I understand you have to give background to provide a contextualized understanding of the topic, but I also think you can omit some information (specifically Al-Qaeda of the Arabian Peninsula; U.S Involvement; and Drone Strikes). However, I know this is still a draft, and I'm sure you're working on tying things together. I also suggest you add information on the Yemeni famine. I'm sure you know this is a major consequence of the war, and I believe it is related to environmental detriment.

Overall I think you've done a great job-- this article is definitely on its way to awesomeness. It has an encyclopedic tone, and I think it will be a significant contribution to Wiki. It's an ambitious project, and I think you've done an excellent job tackling this complex and interdisciplinary subject. Mwtoston (talk) 01:25, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

peer review 4:

I really like the topic you all have chosen to tackle,i have always wondered how war conflicts further affect the environment. This has great headings, and all seem to be easy and clear to understand. i also really liked the fact that you guys are using multiple sources which looks great and also lets the readers viewing the page that what you guys are contributing is coming from reliable and trusted sources. I know this is only an outline and i hope to see how this article turns out because like i said it has always seemed like a very interesting topic.

Tips: -I would like to see more info in the water heading on why the water has decreased specifically (main reasons), also what have been some if not most of the solutions proposed and by whom. -For the drone strikes heading i think it could use more recent data, 2004 is not so relevant and it could use some more info to make readers more aware of how drone strikes directly contribute to the environmental effects in Yemen -the US involvement heading is an important one and could use info on how long they have been in the area for and what exactly have they been doing to affect the water sources, desertification and refugee crisis. I hope this header gets a good amount/lengthy amount of data and info because the US does play a huge role on why Yemen and its people have been suffering from the aftermath of war/conflicts. It could also be tied with more of Trumps recent policies and executive orders that are being implemented, which are ultimately making matters much worse for refugees in the middle east. When you post dates, don't just post the month and day but try to add the year as well so readers dont get confused and know exactly when certain things happened.

Once again i'm really glad you guys chose this topic because i actually wanted to focus on something similar to this. Im sure you will all contribute very useful info and essentially allow many other fellow wikipedians to access useful info about how recent war/conflicts are affecting people and further contributing to environmental tragedies. Everything seems to be on a good track and cannot wait to see how this article looks when its done. Davidv408 (talk) 9:25, 11 March 2017

Response to Peer Review

Thank you everyone for your great peer reviews and great suggestions. We will add a brief introduction to provide a overview of the Yemen Civil War as well as organizing the structure to make it more clear to the readers. Joeyespm163ac (talk) 01:57, 16 March 2017 (UTC)

Daerim Kim (talk) 04:54, 17 March 2017 (UTC) Thank you for your great peer reviews. Our team is working to change a structure and plan to expand water part more specifically since the impacts of water is very powerful and directly related to people's life quality in refugee and climate change that our team's common interesting parts etc. We're still talking our project and will update it soon. thank you again.