User talk:Jmparr
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Jmparr, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 22:25, 7 February 2017 (UTC)
Hi Julia! I am certain I was at your graduation from Montini because one of my friends went there too! Also, I am right there with you on the shopping part, some would say I'm an addict! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Melstradd (talk • contribs) 03:48, 8 April 2017 (UTC)
Please read the Wikipedia Manual of Style
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Welcome to Wikipedia, and thank you for your contributions. Although everyone is welcome to contribute constructively to the encyclopedia, please note that there is a Manual of Style that should be followed to maintain a consistent, encyclopedic appearance. Deviating from this style, as you did in Lambeau Field, disturbs uniformity among articles and may cause readability or accessibility problems. Please take a look at the welcome page to learn more about contributing to this encyclopedia. Thank you. 32.218.36.48 (talk) 01:28, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
Lambeau Field
[edit]The first thing that pops out at me about your edits is that a lot of them are sourced to the Packers website. Wikipedia articles are supposed to be based on independent, third-party sources.
As for promotional edits, here are some examples (bolding added):
The Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame was established in 1967. It is located across from the 1919 Kitchen Tap on the first level of the Atrium. The Hall of Fame is an independent, charitable association with intentions of continuing and promoting the history of the Green Bay Packers. Since 1970, 157 Packer legends have been inducted into the Hall. The Hall of Fame attracts over 170,000 visitors annually.
Calling a notable player a "legend" isn't a neutral, objective description of a famous player.
Located adjacent to Lambeau Field will be a year-round park that will promote fitness-related activities, cultural opportunities, adjustable space for an array of uses, as well as exciting gameday entertainment.
This is very promotional in its tone. For starters, this isn't a simple statement of factual information - it might have been designed with these sorts of things in mind, but saying that it will do these amounts to predicting the future. Common in promotional copy, but not in an encyclopedia article. Also terminology like "fitness-related activities, cultural spaces...and array of uses" is promotional in tone. They sound impressive, but they are vague to the point of being meaningless (you can't tell if they mean a soccer field, a yoga studio, a hiking trail or a skate park). As for "exciting" entertainment - that's an opinion, not an objectively measurable fact.
Titletown will incorporate three key tenants around the park, including a hotel, medicine clinic, restaurant and brewery.
More neutral working would be something like If anchor businesses have signed leases, that's worth mentioning that (and stating who they are). If not, then it's just a proposed element of the development. They aren't "key tenants" (although they may be keystones of the development plan) - maybe anchor stores? You also say that the "three key tenants" will include " a hotel, medicine clinic, restaurant and brewery". For starters, there appear to be four items in your list, not three,. Beyond that, when you say that a list "includes..." you're saying it's an incomplete list. So based on what you wrote, these businesses are but a selection of the "three key tenants".
You added information for four concerts, including attendance and revenue. What was your rationale for only including these four? The rationale should be clear to readers, and should also be clear to other editors (who may, in the future, want to add or exclude other concerts). Whatever they are, your rationale need to be clear and defensible.
I also noticed that you capitalized the section headers. Only the first word of section headers is supposed to be capitalized. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:04, 3 May 2017 (UTC)