User talk:Jessiezhu98/sandbox

Comments from Jasmine

Jasminekchauhan (talk) 23:30, 10 March 2017 (UTC) Nice work! Some improvements... - capitalize Joffre Lakes Provincial Park in first line - “is a class ‘A’ provincial park" - capitalize Lower, Middle and Upper Joffre Lakes as they are lake names - in recreational: maybe change to: “In order to reach the Upper Lake, further travel to… - capitalize Highway 99 - I understand your statement on soil erosion but it is unclear how this is relevant to Joffre Lakes. One connecting statement would be helpful to the reader to know how this is applicable to the lake. For example, did the trails of Joffre Lakes undergo upgrades to minimize soil erosion? - As someone searching up information about Joffre Lakes, I would like to know more about what the activities. You mention that the best time for hiking is in the summer and the trail is 4km, but is it easy/moderate/difficulty? are dogs and picnics allowed? Are there camping fees? Is it cabin camping or tent pads that need to be reserved? Does this park allow winter camping? Are there washroom facilities/outhouses? (I know that you have an external link to the BC Provincial Park website that probably has all this info, but it is more convenient for the reader if it is all on one page) - Most likely, visitors will be driving to the lake. Is parking available? - You do a great job of explaining the wildlife that can be found. Visual images would be helpful so visitors can quickly identify the animals. It may be difficult to find images without copyright but it is worth a shot! Also if you can find more copyright free images of Joffre Lakes, it would be a great aid to represent the green and blue colours you talk about in your intro! - Similar to wildlife, it would be interesting to include the types of trees and other plants that can predominantly be found in the park. - It would be helpful to include these in your related links section: BC Provincial Park wikipedia page, Pemberton Valley wiki page, other provincial parks in BC: Garibaldi, Golden Ears, Porteau Cove, Birkenhead Lake, nearby cities/towns: Whistler/Squamish — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jasminekchauhan (talk • contribs) 23:27, 10 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dominique

Great page! I like how you are making it a one stop shop for all the information you need for Joffre Lake Provincial Park. Jasmine made a good point about including the difficulty level of the trail. How hard is it to complete the whole trail? Is it easier to just get to the bottom lake? How long it it to the bottom lake form the parking lot and how long from the bottom lake all the way to the top? Little details like that would be useful to the reader. When I have been to Joffre's I have noticed the parking lot is always full so maybe include if there is overflow parking or if there are places you can park nearby? I didn't really seen a time frame of the best time to go other then summer. Is it ever closed? Is there a cite we can check for Park conditions? You made a comment about predator species around the area. You should discuss if it is common to come across any dangerous animals while on the trail and how to be prepared if you do. Dparmentier (talk) 20:22, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Khiran:

Overall organization and content: Good topic! Joffre Lakes is a well known local spot, so I think that these page improvements will be helpful for many people. Some small things: The heading ‘Recreational’ was a bit confusing to me. Perhaps consider re-naming it to ‘Recreation’? Furthermore, the opening sentence of that section might be more relevant in another section. Integration with other Wikipedia pages: I was left uncertain about how you might integrate your page with the existing page. Will you re-create the page entirely, or will you keep some sections from the current page? Additionally, you might as well provide links to Cougars, Bobcat and Wolverine pages, seeing as you’ve already provided links to the pages of other animals. Overall, however, you seem to have linked to all of the relevant pages. Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization: Under ‘Trail Maintenance’, be careful to make sure that citations are formatted properly (i.e. a period followed immediately by the in text citation number, followed by a space). Writing quality: A few minor things: “fishing.Summer” needs a space. I’d also make the following corrections in brackets: “[The park] is located off highway 99 in east Pemberton BC on Duffey Lake Road. To view specific direction[s] visit the BC Parks website” Illustrations: If possible, a map next to the ‘Trail Direction’ section would be enormously helpful. Khiranoneill (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 21:39, 17 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Matthew:

Overall organization and content - Most ideas are presented in a logical order, however I would be curious as to how some of the headings will be incorporated in the pre-existing page. Where would all the user's headings go in context to the "History" or "Mountain Names" headings outlined in the pre-existing page? Also, some statements in the page do not have a genuinely neutral point of view.

A statement such as, "Access to the recreation area ... is being upgraded by the Parks Service and they hope to get the upgrade as far as the middle Joffre Lake". First of all, this claim does not have a source/citation, and also sounds bias because there is potential conflict of interest in terms of the "Parks Service" and the user writing the page. Does the user know the workers in "Parks Service"? How does the user know that "they hope to get upgrade as far as the middle [of] Joffre Lake"? One better way to write this statement would be, "Access to the recreation area from the parking lot is through a 4 km trail that is potentially being upgraded by the Parks Service this year which could get as far as the middle of Joffre". But before you even make this revised statement again, please provide evidence to back this statement as a footnote/citation. If statement was made based on the "Joffre Lakes Master Plan" pdf. under "Management Planning" on the BC Parks website. Please make sure you correctly cite that source and provide what page you took it from in hopes to stay objective.

Some comments from previous users such as User:Dparmentier & User:Jasminekchauhan, "suggest that you make difficulty level of the trail. How hard is it to complete the whole trail? Is it easier to just get to the bottom lake? How long it it to the bottom lake form the parking lot and how long from the bottom lake all the way to the top? Little details like that would be useful to the reader." I believe that this type of subjectivity is inappropriate, unnecessary, and would hinder the user from retaining a "genuinely neutral" point of view. Many people have different capabilities in walking trails, perhaps providing an external link to a blog outlining an anecdotal experience would be better than to provide such statements on the page itself.

Writing quality & Illustrations - There are many minor formatting issues that could be improved on such as capitalization for the title, the unnecessary bold in the table of contents. There could be more illustrations such as a map of British Columbia with a red dot on the park, or perhaps pictures from the trails or recreation area. If possible, user could make a trip to actual park to take pictures that may be valuable to the general public for them to get a grasp of what the trails or scenery would look like. By taking pictures themselves, user does not have to worry about copyright issues.

m477ch4n (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 06:03, 21 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Rosie

The peer-reviewers' comments are excellent.

Writing:

In many places the sentence structure isn't very good. For example, the second sentence of the first paragraph doesn't make sense.
'residents', not 'residences.

Information

Can you explain what a 'Class A' park is? Or link to a page with this information?
This isn't the place for detailed driving directions, but it would be good to indicate how far the parking lot is from Highway 99.
It's really important to have a map of BC (or the bottom half of BC) showing the approximate location of the park.
The paragraph about soil erosion doesn't belong here at all. Can you link to an appropriate Wikipedia page?
The information about how hikers affect animal habitats doesn't fit here either.
General information about hiking times or distances would be helpful, but it needs to be accurate. You describe 1535 m of elevation gain in 1.5 km of trail, which is very steep! This page (https://www.vancouvertrails.com/trails/joffre-lakes/) says 370 m in 5 km, and 'intermediate' difficulty. (I think your 1535 m elevation gain should actually be the elevation at the top of the trail (it starts at about 1200 m).
'knowledge, proper equipment and experience' is very vague.
the sentence about grizzly bears comes out of nowhere.

Integration with the existing page:

The existing page has a mountaineering perspective, which can nicely complement your visitor/hiker perspective.
What's the significance of the 'Pacific Ranges' box at the top of the existing page.
The list giving the sources of the mountain names should be kept. Can you format it as a list or table, and add links to any existing Wikipedia pages about the people the mountains are named for? It would be great to add a map showing these mountains, and the glacier.
Is the glacier changing, due to the warming climate?

Rosieredfield (talk) 23:01, 23 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ruth

Don't link to external webpages within with main page of the text. Instead into your "External links" at the bottom of the page i.e. "To view specific direction visit the BC Parks website.".
Perhaps add that it is not accessible by public transport and some information about parking?
Could you include how long it takes to walk to the park (roughly) and the elevation gain? See this (amazing!) website. [[1]] (Vancouver trails website is my summer bible!)
Include that the park is only open June - September, more info about camping - where are the camp sites? What facilities do they have?, it is dog friendly and more useful things from [[2]]
Make "class A provincial park" into a link for List_of_protected_areas_of_British_Columbia#Designations
Is there only one trail in the park?
Change "this year" to 2017, as no one reading the page will know when it was written.
Your recreational paragraph is a bit muddled. It could benefit from being expanded and maybe having subsections.

RuthVancouver (talk) 23:45, 24 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]