User talk:Jcross323
| This user is a student editor in Xavier_University_of_Louisiana/Women_in_World_History_(Spring_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Jcross323, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:39, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! Here are the promised notes:
- You state that this was built shortly after the first case of AIDS in London was reported in 1981, but earlier it's stated that the centre opened in 1989. That's going to be a fairly long period of time for many, as that's a gap of about 8 years. In this time there were 108 reported cases and 47 deaths, so this sentence is misleading.
- Be cautious when calling it "Princess Diana's Landmark Aids Centre" - that makes it sound like she had a very active role in creating and planning the facility, when it sounds like it was more along the lines of her being the official at the opening ceremony. If she was more active, then this needs to be mentioned.
- Also, the focus should be less on Diana and more on the centre - I would only cover her as it pertains to the centre. We should also make sure that the material isn't too casual or that it comes across as a reaction or reflection on the topic.
I hope this helps - I have some suggested changes on the draft page as well. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:55, 24 April 2020 (UTC)