User talk:Jamisonahrens/sandbox

The way the information is given is done well and is engaging yet unbiased. However, there are some improvements that can be made. One grammar error I found was "districts mascot" should be changed to district's to show possession. Also, in the middle of the paragraph, the protests are mentioned multiple times which makes it kind of redundant, so maybe just mention them once. Also towards the end, "Lancaster" is also overused before each possible mascot name. By rewording this sentence to "The Lancaster students" could choose from the following names: ..., it will be less repetitive and read more smoothly. The biggest change that needs to be made is the citations. The sources are reliable, but they are cited incorrectly. Instead of manually inserting the source (A1), after the cited information click "Cite" at the top of the editing page and copy and past the URL into the citation maker. This way, it will automatically list the sources at the bottom in the proper way. Besides this, the paragraph is done well and will be a strong contribution. Also add some hyperlinks to other Wikipedia articles.

Claricef (talk) 14:03, 19 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Good job on writing the article so far. The way you have added good amounts of details on the controversy is impressive. My main suggestions on improvements to make would be to check your grammar, and eventually add a picture of the new logo(eventually). Also you referenced how opponents teams had large amounts of Native Americans on them, maybe if possible try to find out what the Native American population demographics were at Lancaster which might help the article. Good job DigitalIdentityProject19 (talk) 14:20, 19 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]