User talk:Jakejf113
| This user is a student editor in College_of_Staten_Island/History_of_Design_and_Digital_Media_(Fall_2019) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Jakejf113, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:44, 13 September 2019 (UTC)
Danielle Bunten Berry
[edit]Hi, I saw that you added some content to the article with this edit, however there were some issues.
- The first is that the edits were unsourced - there was nothing added that would back up the added claims, which is absolutely necessary. Unsourced content can be challenged and removed, which is what happened here.
- The second is that the material added made some very substantial claims, which made the need for sourcing even greater. You added that the game M.U.L.E. is "still regarded as one of the most groundbreaking video games to ever come out and has been said to have been the inspiration behind todays popular multiplayer games." and that Berry received less respect as a woman than she did as a man. These are both extremely major claims, as one is basically saying that this game is incredibly influential and inspired countless thousands of multiplayer games, particularly the very popular ones. That's something that could be debated by many, as they could argue that some of these games weren't influenced by this game and that they were actually inspired by another, non-multiplayer game or another multiplayer game whose developer(s) never claimed to be influenced by M.U.L.E.. As such, it would be seen as original research and possibly non-neutral to make this claim without a source, as this is a fairly praising source. It's also incredibly vague and broad - it's not really good to make a sweeping statement without a reliable source that explicitly states this - if not several reliable sources.
- The claim of Berry receiving less respect as a woman is something that would be controversial without a source, especially as the source that was already in the article kind of said the opposite - that she had a good career and that she received a lifetime achievement award after transition.
It's incredibly important that you add very good sourcing with your claims, as otherwise content can be challenged and removed. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:43, 1 November 2019 (UTC)
Work Plan
[edit]The first way I plan to improve the article I’ve chosen is to add more pictures. As of now there is only one picture and it is of Danielle Berry herself. I plan to add more pictures of her as well as pictures of games she has designed, whether that be the covers to the games or screenshots so to speak of the game in action. The second way I plan to improve this article is by adding some more information about other games she has designed and produced throughout her career. The article does touch on some games briefly but I believe having a little more information about games that came before and after M.U.LE would be an interesting thing to read about. For example, under the “Games” section I was thinking about adding a short 1-2 sentence description next to each title name. Although there is a link that takes you to the wiki page for the game M.U.L.E, I believe that the game should have a short paragraph description in her article, as it is her most popular game. The article mentions Berrys Lifetime Achievement Award, I think adding a 1 sentence description of the award would help the reader understand the importance of it. The article also mentions that her game, M.U.L.E has influenced many multiplayer games to come in in the past few decades. I would like to elaborate on that by possibly naming some games that were influenced by M.U.L.E. I would also like to touch on how her sex change effected her reputation in the video game community. She has said publicly that she regrets it but having some more information on how it impacted her career would be interesting. The article mentions that the creator of The Sims dedicated his game to Berrys memory. I would like to possibly add information about the relationship that the two of them had and find out if there are any types of easter eggs in The Sims that are in reference to Berry or any of her games. As the article sits now it has a handful of quotes from Berry, I feel like having a few more quotes from her would help drive home some points that are made. I would like to add more sources that offer links to more information regarding her career in the video game industry before EA and her other game creations that didn’t have as much success as M.U.L.E. Finally, towards the end of the article it mentions that before she passed, Berry was working on an internet version of M.U.L.E. I would like to try to add some more information about what this game was supposed to consist of. The way the article is now I think is very well presented however I feel as though by adding this information, it will make the article a more informative piece to read.
- Jakejf113 This is a solid workplan, with some detail; be careful about copyright and images! Please do the same with the annotated link list! Please see this fellow student's work for a good example. --Theredproject (talk) 03:56, 17 November 2019 (UTC)
Checking in
[edit]Per our email discussion, I'm not seeing any annotated bibliography, which will go a long way in helping you get to the 1000 words added to the article?
Next step is to peer review one of your classmate’s articles. Like your own, these will be on their sandbox pages. You should be able to see who is assigned each article on the Assigned Articles tab, so click on their username to find their sandbox. Remember, you had a training on this, which you can rely on. Feel free to email me if you have questions. --Theredproject (talk) 23:25, 1 December 2019 (UTC)
Danielle Bunten Berry
[edit]Hi! I wanted to let you know that the content you added to this article was removed - Indrian noted that there were some grammatical errors. I've moved your work to your sandbox so you can work on it. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:23, 20 December 2019 (UTC)