User talk:Iarbi002/sandbox

Prof Garcia's Comments

Week 2

Wowwww, you went to the Donald Trump page! Well done! Bold and courageous on your part, Isabella. Nice job noting that the article had a particular bias to it. Maybe you can find positive details to add to the page? And your answers to the questions on the content gap were really great. Thank you for taking the time to do this assignment so well. Keep up the great work. Alfgarciamora (talk) 20:18, 30 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Professor. I'll definitely look into Trump's Wikipedia page again and try to add some positive details to its talk page. Iarbi002 (talk) 02:02, 31 January 2017 (UTC) @Alfgarciamora:[reply]

Peer Review

@Iarbi002:I looked at the information on your character's page and what really stood out to me was that there were a bunch of crossed out sentences everywhere. Aesthetically, this isn't really pleasing to the eye and it kind of distracts a reader from the information. I did read the talk page and I do know you will be fixing it so it should be fine. Other than that, you seem to have good information that you will be adding to your page and that will be exciting to read. The page itself is pretty structured and easy to read as it is so you should be set. I also liked that you removed a few sentences that didn't make sense and just kinda felt like fragments which makes the article a smoother read. Lepeletier (talk) 16:13, 26 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your feedback, @Lepeletier:! I already reviewed my character's article page and either deleted some of the sentences I had crossed out, or added the sentences back to the article until I can come up with anything better so it does not look distracting to the readers. Whenever you have the chance, please take a look at the draft I wrote and let me know if you think there is anything that needs to be revised. Iarbi002 (talk) 22:14, 27 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review by Ana

Grammatical error fixed will be in brackets: "made the [sale] of wheat mandatory"
Grammatical error fixed will be in brackets: "Doing so [remove: ,] led to order being established within the different jurisdictions, allowing The Communal Assembly[,] with the help of Bailly[,] to [gain] control [of] the food crisis."
Grammatical error fixed will be in brackets: "The National Guard[,] formed during the revolution by The Communal Assembly[,] was weak and underfunded."
Grammatical error fixed will be in brackets: "In October [remove: of 1789], Bailly was involved in the"
Grammatical error fixed will be in brackets: "to his [limited] time as [remove: he presided as] mayor of Paris."
"Bailly was the presiding officer of the club" - Specify what club
I have provided some grammar suggestions above. I recommend to go back and review grammatical structure as well; using active sentences, as opposed to passive ones, would help make ideas sound clearer. (Ex: "She ate pizza." instead of "The pizza was eaten by her.")
Great work Isabela! Your writing sounds informative and unbiased; it is definitely written with the Wikipedia tone. You only need some grammatical revisions.

2601:583:C203:BB10:FDAF:C6E9:D78E:BEC2 (talk) 03:41, 27 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your feedback, @Ana22gb:! I'll make sure to go over the grammatical errors you pointed out, as well as review the grammatical structure of some of the sentences I wrote. If you come up with any other suggestions, please let me know! Anything that would make the article better is of great help and importance. Iarbi002 (talk) 22:01, 27 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Week 8

You have done an EXCEPTIONAL job, Iarbi002!!! You have really knocked this assignment out of the park! I think that you have done all the research that you need to do for now and that you've added everything you possibly can. Consider yourself done done DONE. Just take the next few weeks to iron out the flow of your page and make sure that it is all wrapped up perfectly. You can take the time, as well, to write up your reflection paper and finish up! =) Congrats on doing an amazing job. Alfgarciamora (talk) 15:34, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much, professor @Alfgarciamora:!! I'll make sure to improve my character's page and its content for the next couple of weeks, in addition to start working on my reflection paper. I'll contact you if I have any questions.