User talk:Hty118/sandbox
You have a good plan for improvements to make to the article which I see in your improvements section. I think you just have to continue working on your article and developing it a bit more. I would recommend including more information about John Abel's personal life and who he was as a person in addition to your plans to elaborate on his notable achievements and impact on medicine society in general. I also agree with you that the article needs more visuals and citations. Vchan10 (talk) 16:22, 27 March 2017 (UTC)
Tingting's Peer Review
[edit]Although the article is still incomplete, it’s well-structured and I am sure that you are on the right track. You have a good plan of future improvements and it’s wonderful if you can actually carry out the plan and complete the draft.
The lead section is well-written and contains important information about Abel’s major contributions to medical field. The career - research work section covers the highlights of his major research experiences and describes how he earns his reputations as a pharmacologist by isolating hormones, devising vividiffusion apparatus and extracting insulin.
My peer review/suggestions will consist of several parts:
PART A-minor edits (language, spelling, wording, etc.)
1. In the lead section, there is a sentence: “His interest in kidney functions……the precursor to the dialysis machine that WE are using today.” I think you should replace “we” with “people,” or “doctors” because you want to be an objective narrator when writing the article, and using first-person pronouns makes the tone less objective and less “encyclopedic.”
2. Still in the lead section. Your last sentence “…Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics in 1908” should have a period at the end. (Yes this is a completely minor edit, but be sure to end each sentence with proper punctuations.)
3. Career-research work 2nd paragraph: “Not only did Abel used the apparatus…” should be: “Not only did Abel use the apparatus…”
4. Career-research work 3rd paragraph: “While he was adopting various means to try purify insulin”, should be “try purifying insulin” or “try to purify insulin“
5. Career-research work 3rd paragraph: “It took Abel almost four years to confirm this theory to an extent that convinces his peers” should be “convinced”?
PART B-edits/improvements on the content
1. I think you should include more about his personal life (if there is such information). We can learn his research life and have an idea about his contributions to medical field according to your article, but it seems that we don’t know him as a person.
2. Just as you have pointed out in the improvement plan, include some pictures/media to increase the readability of the article and illustrate your points/certain processes.
3. The first paragraph of the research work section ends abruptly with the sentence “Nevertheless, Abel overcame his disappointment, and went on with his other laboratory work passionately.” But what happened after he overcame the difficulties? Please let us know.
4. The last sentence of the last paragraph of the research work section also has a similar problem. “It took Abel almost four years to confirm this theory to an extent that convinces his peers.” So how did he actually achieve that — convincing his peers, the experts of medicine? Please give more details.
PART C-other improvements
1. I think you should add links to your articles. You can do this after you complete the draft. Be sure to link your article with other Wikipedia articles -- this is important.
2. Most of the sources are online sources. I think it is better to have more printed sources, e.g. journals, books, to increase the credibility of your article. Also, your 1st and 2nd citation are the same. Please remove the repetition.
3. The research work part seems a little bit too long. You may try to break it into 3 pieces and add subtitles. For example, the subtitles could be “insulating hormones”, “the vividiffusion apparatus” and “Extracting insulin”.
I hope the suggestions above are helpful. Keep working on your draft — you have done a great job indeed!