User talk:HHRMG

Your submission at Articles for creation

Thank you for your recent submission to Articles for Creation. Your article submission has been reviewed. Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. Please view your submission to see the comments left by the reviewer. You are welcome to edit the submission to address the issues raised, and resubmit once you feel they have been resolved.

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Thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia! France3470 (talk) 21:50, 18 December 2012 (UTC)

Your submission at Articles for creation

Thank you for your recent submission to Articles for Creation. Your article submission has been reviewed. Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. Please view your submission to see the comments left by the reviewer. You are welcome to edit the submission to address the issues raised, and resubmit once you feel they have been resolved.

• If you would like to continue working on the submission, you can find it at Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Jay Cardiello.
• To edit the submission, click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
• If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk, or on the . Please remember to link to the submission!
• You can also get live chat help from experienced editors.

Thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia! Excirial ^{(Contact me,Contribs)} 15:23, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

Jay Cardiello Entry

Hi, Excirial.

After two passes, I wanted to know specifically what I can do to meet guidelines as just about everything I put was cited from sources such as Shape Magazine, the New York Times, Daily News and Huffington Post.

Happy to make changes, but I must be missing something, and would appreciate advice. — Preceding unsigned comment added by HHRMG (talk • contribs) 15:15, 7 January 2013 (UTC)

Hiyas there HHRMG,

The current problem with the article is that it is written with a clear positive bias, rather then being written in a neutral point of view. For example:

• Jay was a talented athlete growing up and upon graduating from the prestigious College of William & Mary (Peacock terms)
• Working with busy stars in trailers and hotel rooms presented Jay the challenge of creating exercise programs suitable for small spaces and limited time, a challenge that led to his current training model. (Promotional. "The model was made for the stars, so its the crème de la crème in quality")
• he JCORE program is available on DVDs and a USB drive for at-work workouts or travel fitness. It is sold with a meal plan developed in collaboration with a registered dietician, recipes and fitness calendar. JCORE also has a range of supplements including Zero Lite, a zero-calorie metabolism boosting drink mix (Clear advertising. Especially since there is a neat link to webshop featuring the products right after it)

And i can go on for a while like this, since pretty much the entire article suffers from the above and similar issues. Simply put, the article will need a rewrite in quite a few places in order to become encyclopedic, rather than promotional Excirial ^{(Contact me,Contribs)} 21:06, 7 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks. I tried to make as vanilla as possible!

Your submission at Articles for creation

Thank you for your recent submission to Articles for Creation. Your article submission has been reviewed. Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. Please view your submission to see the comments left by the reviewer. You are welcome to edit the submission to address the issues raised, and resubmit once you feel they have been resolved.

• If you would like to continue working on the submission, you can find it at Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Jay Cardiello.
• To edit the submission, click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
• If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk, or on the . Please remember to link to the submission!
• You can also get live chat help from experienced editors.

Thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia! avs5221^{(talk|contrib)} 22:46, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Jay Cardiello concern

Hi there, I'm HasteurBot. I just wanted to let you know that Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Jay Cardiello, a page you created has not been edited in at least 180 days. The Articles for Creation space is not an indefinite storage location for content that is not appropriate for articlespace. If your submission is not edited soon, it could be nominated for deletion. If you would like to attempt to save it, you will need to improve it. If the deletion has already occured, instructions on how you may be able to retrieve it are available at WP:REFUND/G13. Thank you for your attention. HasteurBot (talk) 13:30, 5 August 2013 (UTC)

Your article submission Jay Cardiello

Hello HHRMG. It has been over six months since you last edited your article submission, entitled Jay Cardiello.

The page will shortly be deleted. If you plan on editing the page to address the issues raised when it was declined and resubmit it, simply and remove the {{db-afc}} or {{db-g13}} code. Please note, however, that Articles for Creation is not for the indefinite hosting of material deemed unsuitable for the encyclopedia mainspace.

If your submission has already been deleted by the time you get there, and you want to retrieve it, copy this code: {{subst:Refund/G13|Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Jay Cardiello}}, paste it in the edit box at this link, click "Save", and an administrator will in most cases undelete the submission.

Thanks for your submission to Wikipedia, and happy editing. HasteurBot (talk) 17:31, 4 September 2013 (UTC)