User talk:HBov/sandbox
Feedback Dr. V
[edit]How are you planning to revise the lead section? How can this be made global?
You might look at the introduction to Sounds and the City. The library has it as an ebook. Also, check out this encyclopedia page (this text is available through Drake only). Also this:
Form section needs sources. Also, is this form analysis true of non-Western popular music? The history section needs extensive globalization, and probably editing. Maybe you can change this section into "Development of popular music in Europe and North America"?
Try to make your new global perspective parallel, so it presents a history. Maybe you could tackle a continent or two? Don't take on too much; it's better to develop a couple of these sections well rather than all of them.
Have you thoroughly scoured WP to look for articles on popular music in non-Western contexts? For example, pop music in China.
You don't have to do all of this. Now is the time to make some choices and work on creating an integrated article that, in some way, considers global south perspectives. I'm happy to talk to you about this any time.
An issue to address very soon is the transfer of original references and your new references into the article. These are missing now; when you hover on the numbers, they are not linked to references. It needs to be done carefully and soon. I did this for you in the section I renamed 'defining.' Please talk to me or Kayla if you need help. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 21:46, 7 November 2015 (UTC)
Collaboration0826 Feedback
[edit]{Lead Paragraph}
-widely enjoyed second sentence a little repetitive -sentence on art music a little difficult to understand -don’t see the difference after you describe art and traditional
-I like how you contrast pop and popular music -good brief lead section, could mention the idea of who listens to it more in depth possibly
{Defining}
*could use more easy to understanding language, sentence structure is confusing
ex: “Evaluating appeal based on size of audience or whether audience is of a certain social class is another way to define popular music, but, this to….”
* make this more clear and concise
*second paragraph sounds slightly opinionated. I would include sources in this section to give it credibility
{Form} -first define what is “form” in general, in case reader is not an expert in music vocabulary possibly hyperlink here to form if available -almost no citations are included in this section, I would recommend trying to have citations in each section
{History} I really like this section and how it provides good background information and looks at the context and how it has evolved as a direct result of other inventions and communication developments. However, I feel as though if this section only speaks about American history it is giving off the idea that the other country sections are just add on elements and the entire article itself is not speaking from a global perspective. I think including more of a global background in the history of popular music would help to steer away from the article sounding as though the article’s global perspective was an after thought. I would also try to include this element in the lead paragraph. I am not sure when popular music spread on a global level or if it just originated in the United States and then spread, but I think this would be good to clarify more, how this transition may have happened.
In terms of the content that is currently here, I think you have this developed very well, and it is interesting to see the development parallel with other outlets. I would recommend you simply extend the conversation to how it has continued to develop and what the development looks like in cross-country comparisons.
{Global Perspectives Section}
I would try to hyperlink this part more to other pages to help readers find more information if they are interested. I think these sections are a great start. I really like the idea of the different topics you have selected, however I think for them to have significant meaning to the article they must go more in depth, because right now they seem like an after thought. Overall, I think your vision for the global perspective section is great in terms of your understanding of what topics could be explored, and I am very excited to see how they develop further.