User talk:Guosherry/sandbox

The organization within your sandbox is great! It is easy to follow and well structured with clear sections. I particularly like how under the "potential articles I want to improve on section," you linked the articles and added a very brief description of why you want to edit that article.

A minor improvement on that section could be punctuating the first two article descriptions since you are posing questions. The description for the last article is punctuated with a question mark, so adding some for the first two would also make things more consistent.

If the page exists, it would be helpful to link Mattias Bjarnemalm and Anton Nordenfur to their respective wikipedia articles, even if they are in different languages.

For the first sentence of the "Party Beginnings" section ("Magnus Andersson first joined the Pirate Party of Sweden in 2009 shortly after the trials against the founders of the popular torrenting website, The Pirate Bay, Neij, Sunde, and Svartholm Walg ended and the verdict was delivered."), again, linking wikipedia articles to subjects would be helpful. It would also be a good idea to briefly mention what the verdict was.

This is a fantastic start to a a brand new article on Magnus Andersson. I suggest including a section on what he has done and accomplished since joining the party. This can also be broken up into different subsections based on the different roles he has help within the party.

Witherwingsblog (talk) 04:44, 30 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Witherwingsblog! Thank you very much for your suggestions, I have left the "potential articles" section as is since it was mostly for me to organize my thoughts and see where I wanted to explore. It won't be published anywhere anytime soon. As well, I have linked to Mattias Bjarnemalm and Anton Nordenfur, although those pages have not yet been created. If I can find it in the Swedish Wikipedia, I will definitely be linking to those later on. I also linked and made the changes you mentioned for Party Beginnings, that was a good call since I, too, forgot about the verdicts delivered. Finally, I have created the section on Magnus Andersson which I will research and improve upon in the coming days. Thank you again for your very helpful advice!

Guosherry (talk) 22:57, 7 November 2016 (UTC)guosherry[reply]

Hey Sherry! Great writing! I just wanted to leave my peer review here if it's any help. I think this sentence after the United States bullet point "(including in the state of Illinois in the United States where Kopimism has registered as a non profit 503(c) organization in the form of a church.)" is a little grammatically incorrect, and could go as a sub-bullet point under the United States. I think in general, your wiki draft for the Magnus Andersson is really well written, but it is starting to sound a little like a wikipedia page for the pirate party itself. Maybe by adding details about his personal life, if available, may shift the focus more towards him. I love the image of him too! Finally, "They make posts around once a week about various issues, never aligning towards one side of the political spectrum." might have wording that is too vague. Maybe you can give examples of various issues that they have posted about, and which political spectrum you are essentially talking about, since it's easy to assume it's a liberal-conservative spectrum, which might be too United States based. Revise this sentence "As well, multiple nations have accepted the Missionary Church of Kopimism as a legitimate religion, including in the state of Illinois in the United States where Kopimism has registered as a non profit 503(c) organization in the form of a church.[17]" To "As well, multiple nations have accepted the Missionary Church of Kopimism as a legitimate religion; the state of Illinois in the United States has specifically registered Kopimism as a non profit 503(c) organization in the form of a church.[17]" This revision is important because originally, it sounds like Illinois is included in the multiple nations that have accepted Kopimism. The rest of writing is very academic, and seems to be well on its way to getting the required number of sources for the assignment. Good work friend!Kendrawsing (talk) 14:00, 31 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Kendrawsing! Thank you for your suggestions. I have changed the 503c stuff about Illinois in my article As well, I will try to find more personal details about Magnus Andersson, but from what I have read, there was not much material on it. I will also include examples for the Social Media Presence of United States Pirate Party and thank you fro the revision for Kopimism! All of this was very much appreciated friend! Guosherry (talk) 00:31, 8 November 2016 (UTC)guosherry[reply]