User talk:Greenough.h
Greenough.h, you are invited to the Teahouse!
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Hi Greenough.h! Thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. We hope to see you there!
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Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Greenough.h, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:35, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review Feedback
[edit]Your article has a good variety and amount of information. While I don't know much about the topic, there don't seem to be any significant holes in what you include and I wasn't left with many questions. That being said, the information needs better organization and it often does not read like an encyclopedia.
Organization begins with your lead paragraph. It should summarize your article but not by giving characterizations of what type of information is available and how it was gathered. Rather, it should summarize the information itself by presenting the most important information directly. It should roughly mirror the structure of the article. A reader who hears the term "language exposure for deaf children" and decides to google it because they don't know what it means should be able to just the lead and be satisfied.
As for your sections, it's hard to figure out exactly where to go to find the information. I would suggest using section names that are more general terms like "Risks," "Proposed Treatments," or "Current Standard." For example, "Cochlear Implants" is much more specific than any of the other sections but it is on the same level as them. Also, this section starts by talking about the controversy surrounding using audiologists at all and then moves on to the implants. This would make sense in an essay, where each topic has to flow into the next smoothly, but here the information is supposed to be easy to find and presented efficiently.
This is a problem in other parts of the article as well. Try to cut down on transition sentences and phrases that don't contain any new information for the reader. One example of this is "There is a lot of research emphasizing..." You don't have to tell the reader that your information comes from research, you just have to give them the information and cite the research at the end.
I also suggest avoiding connotation-heavy language like "Although American Sign Language has only fairly recently been recognized as an official language, with research done around the 1960s, signed languages are all very technical languages, with structure and grammar to match that of spoken language." These are kind of strange facts to pair together in a sentence if you're not trying to imply that signed languages have been unfairly ignored, especially with words like "although" and "fairly." While this may be the case, that comes through with facts presented in the rest of the paragraph. You don't need this thesis sentence to kick off your paragraph in an encyclopedia format.
The first of two more small things I want to mention is to avoid use of the first person, mainly the "we" in your lead paragraph. The second is that you should apply citations more consistently. Even if a big block of text all comes from the same source, you should still put the citation at the end of most if not all of the sentences. This will be less of a problem once you cut down on transition and summary sentences, but you still need to make sure that each claim you make is attributable to some reputable source. Also, the citations should be applied after punctuation.
Please let me know if you have any questions. Jamesonoreilly (talk) 03:23, 2 August 2017 (UTC)
- This was incredibly helpful, thank you! Greenough.h (talk) 00:19, 4 August 2017 (UTC)
A page you started (Language exposure for deaf children) has been reviewed!
[edit]Thanks for creating Language exposure for deaf children, Greenough.h!
Wikipedia editor Elmidae just reviewed your page, and wrote this note for you:
Great job, this is a really nice encyclopedic treatment.
To reply, leave a comment on Elmidae's talk page.
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