User talk:GrebniewNeb/Youth in Rwanda

Feedback

Your lead paragraph is well crafted, though by now you should have written more. As you begin writing are there more sections other than health, education, and poverty that you plan to focus on? Since you touched on the genocide in your lead paragraph you should make sure to include more on this somewhere else in your article. Even if the focus is how the genocide affected the sections that you plan to write about. When you are writing make sure to look at other “Youth in” articles for ideas. Kjatczak (talk) 21:02, 31 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review by Brogers0922

Hi GrebniewNeb, Great job so far! From your outline it definitely looks like you're coming along nicely with your article. Before you transpose your bullet points, I would be critical of some of the information you are including. For the most part the information focuses on youth, while others seem to apply to Rwanda as a whole. Creating a new section on orphans might be beneficial because it seems like that is an important component to this topic. I found a source that I think would really help you fill in some missing gaps in health section. (http://www.youthpolicy.org/national/Rwanda_2005_National_Youth_Policy.pdf). I advice as you progress to be critical of the content you are putting in each heading. For example, information on HIV/AIDS should go into the sexual health section rather than poverty (although the two are obviously linked). It looks like your content as a whole is from reliable sources and is framed in a NPOV. I really enjoyed reading your lead paragraph and I think incorporating those last few bullet points will really help readers focus on the significance of the topic. If possible, finding one more picture may help balance out the large amount of text that your article will have. Your content has met the Wikipedia community standards and really captures a Global South perspective. Incorporating sources from the UN or WHO would emphasize the sources you already have especially for the health and poverty sections. If you have any questions, please let me know. I'm excited to see your final product!

Best, Brogers0922 (talk) 17:25, 12 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback AMWilkinson

You have done a great job with this article so far! The amount of information you have found and put into the article is impressive. By including so many statistics and facts, you have done a good job at keeping a NPOV as well as keeping the information shared verifiable. The only place that seems to be lacking citations is the beginning of the Education section. There are quite a few bullet points that do not have a citation following it so just make sure when you develop your notes into article format that you cite these statistics. I also think that you have done a good job keeping the topics covered to ones that are important to youth and do accurately represent youth focused issues and have placed the facts in appropriate sections. I am excited to see how you develop the article from bullet points to text as you did a great job developing the lead paragraph. I went ahead and hyperlinked the Education for All page in the education section, as this page does a good job at outline it's goals. You did a good job hyperlinking information in the lead paragraph, and I would urge you to continue doing this with the rest of your article.

Lastly, I am excited to see you develop this article as it sort of pertains to the article I am also working on. I am working on an article about the effects of genocide on youth and would like to be able to add a link to your article on mine as you include information about the Rwandan genocide. As of now, I have not created a section specific to the Rwandan genocide but have added it to the list of genocides to be considered in the future on the pages talk page and will be sure to include a link to your article as well once it goes live! On that note, another student in our class found this source as one for me to look at and I think your article could benefit as well as you talk about how the youth are affected in their transition to adulthood by being youth soldiers during the genocide. http://www.heinonline.org/HOL/Page?handle=hein.journals/barry19&div=17&?&collection=journals

Let me know if you have any questions about my feedback! AMWilkinson (talk) 01:18, 16 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]