User talk:Ghostygoo/sandbox/article contribution draft

Aloha, Good work with your contributions! This is a lot of new information that the world never knew it needed. Things your article did well in were... -Providing relevant information. -Consistent neutrality on the topic. -Each section is pretty much equal in information. There aren't many opportunities for one section to overshadow the other. -Good use of sources, there are many to look from.

Things you could improve on in your contributions... -I've noticed that some of your sentences are a bit confusing -Some of your sentences can be combined in a way that will make it easier for your audience to read. I suggest reading through your entire article to see where you can make your paragraphs less wordy, but still correct. -There are minor grammatical errors with capitalization and the lack of commas in the beginnings of most of your starting sentences. i.e. in the Four World section “In this story of creation, Spider grandmother…”. Adding commas to your sentences could greatly improve the flow of your structure. -There are also some structural errors that you may want to address. i.e. in the Other Myths section the sentences read “ In The Destruction of Awatovi (A Walpi Reed Clan Version) "Grandmother Spider" uses her special glass to find a missing woman for Coyote and his grandmother. Who are are searching for this woman while her husband is taking care of their children.” These two sentences should not be separate thus, consider fixing and look for other sentences like this as they can be found throughout your article. Also some minor grammatical errors. -For the Other Myths section, consider separating each myth with new paragraphs to avoid a big mixture of stories, confusing the audience.

Other than that good job! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Juliaasano (talk • contribs) 10:36, 15 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review and suggestions for improvement, Juliaasano. Ghostygoo the grammatical recommendations are a good place to start, and I agree that separating sections into clear paragraphs will make your information more digestible. Going forward, you're going to want to work on formatting, linking, etc. but I also want you to see whether you can find additional information about Spider Grandmother in scholarship, especially with regard to her interpretation as a mythological figure in theory of myth; that is to say, as opposed to simply re-telling stories about her, see if you can take your research to the next level and see what scholars have said about Spider Grandmother in general, perhaps in contrast to other mythological traditions. You've done a lot of really good work so far, and I look forward to seeing how your article develops over the next few weeks. Keep it up! Gardneca (talk) 18:29, 17 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you both for your suggestions! They are appreciatedGhostygoo (talk) 07:23, 22 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]