User talk:FPostigo
| This user is a student editor in UCLA/Chem_153A_Honors_(Winter_2018) . |
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[edit]Hello, FPostigo, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:54, 26 January 2018 (UTC)
Kristienne's Peer Review for Hepatic Lipase
[edit]Hey Fernando! Here's my peer review about your article:
Content: I liked this topic and felt like I had a good understanding of hepatic lipase by the end of the article. Your article is concise and does not have too much superfluous material, and everything seemed to be scientifically accurate.
In the third sentence, the part about “endothelial cells of the liver… which are then free to enter the body’s circulation system” didn’t really make sense to me. Are you trying to say that because hepatic lipase is expressed, endothelial cells can enter into the circulation system? If so, adding a few clarification words might help with that one!
Organization: I think that in your leading paragraph, it would’ve made more sense to me if you mentioned the primary function before explaining HL’s location. The first time I read this through, I got a bit caught up in trying to figure out where hepatic lipase was located and was confused about what form of lipoprotein it was bound to, but the second part about lipoprotein binding would’ve made more sense to me if I’d known that its primary function was regulate IDL/HDL levels.
Also, in the “Hepatic Lipase Regulation” section, I feel like you could begin a new short paragraph just to differentiate sex differences. Other than that, the article was really well organized; it had good flow and proper transitions.
Images: I think that the current images you have is very cool. My only question is if there is a PYMOL image and is HL on Protein Data Bank? If so, I would enjoy seeing something structural so that I could get a feel for how the enzyme’s structure looks and how/where it binds to lipoproteins since we read about that a little.
Writing (Accuracy/Grammar/Clarity): I got a little confused the first time you used “HL” as an acronym because you never really defined that one as an acronym in the beginning sentence, just HTGL and LIPC, so please make sure to include that definition earlier! Also, watch out with some of your word usage such as “nascent” and “esterified” -- these are pretty technical terms and I felt like I had to look them up to really understand what you were saying here.
In your “Clinical Significance” section, when you are explaining the experiment the “They” comes off as a little bit of an ambiguous pronoun, so I would suggest changing that to “Researchers” just to make the statement more formal and clear! Also, this is a little nit-picky so feel free to leave it as is if you disagree, but I also feel like the concluding sentence, “More experiments must be performed” sounds a little biased -- although I totally know you are just trying to say that effects in humans are unclear, I think you could change the phrasing so that it doesn’t come off as “More experiments need to be performed in humans” or that you’re suggesting conducting more research, because that’s an opinion.
I would also recommend adding a couple of commas to some of your sentences just so indicate to the reader where to take a break between clauses. For example, when I read,
“Another lipoprotein, ApoA-I, which increases release of HDL was shown to have a similar affect by mutating the gene that coded it.”
I read the “HDL was shown” part as one, even though the “was shown” verb clause refers to ApoA-I. I think that adding a clarifying comma after HDL might be helpful to indicate that the whole clause of “which increases release of HDL” is just a modifier for ApoA-I. Also, grammatical side note, but please try to make sure you’re using the proper form of effect v. affect → effect is a noun and affect is the verb.
Lastly, I totally did this in my own article as well, but I would suggest reading your sentences, particularly in the “Function” section out loud. I think that when we are describing scientific chemical processes, it’s easy to write overly complex sentences that make sense to us, but are harder for other people to understand.
For example, I had to reread this sentence because it is a bit longer and I got confused about what each of the “which” was referring to. Perhaps it could be clarified/less repetitive by breaking it down into different sentences? (or again adding a comma?):
“More free fatty acids can be taken up from the plaque by SR-B1 receptors, which convert HDL3 to HDL2 which contains higher concentrations of free fatty acids.”
One of the tips I plan on doing for my own personal final draft is to reread my whole article out loud, just because I know sometimes we don’t realize how long sentences are until we try to read them or say them out loud. However, I thought you did a great job of being both concise/clear and scientifically explanatory in the Hepatic lipase Regulation section :) I also thought you had really good writing tone and for the most part were very clear in explaining causes/effects of your reasoning and how HL functions.
References: I like that you end every section with a citation, and your references/extra sections/further reading look great!
Overall, I thought the article was well-written and very informative. I hope that these edits help, but please feel free to let me know if I can clarify any of my suggestions for you. Great job, good luck with finishing this up, and I can’t wait to read the end product!
Kedrosolan (talk) 22:28, 8 March 2018 (UTC)
Presumable paste accident at Lipid metabolism
[edit] I am not a life-scientist, but i'm pretty sure your most recent edit to the article went awry. I believe everything else you changed in that edit was defensible (even if perhaps betraying a second-language-style insensitivity to native-speaker style). My repair will be to a single sentence, tho i'd be glad to discuss other changes you made in the same edit, if you might find that worth your effort).
--Jerzy•t 03:24, 10 March 2018 (UTC)