User talk:Ewu19/Asepsis
Hi, this is Trystan. I just wanted to let you know that I have finished my peer review for your Asepsis article draft.
MH final comments
[edit]Things are looking clearer in this draft - nice work! I'd suggest fixing up the following before you submit your final version (due May 8):
1. As written, the lead is a bit confusing. It says that medical asepsis isn't trying to achieve sterility, then talks about how the surgical field should be sterile. These can both be true, but you could add a transition to make it clear that the lead isn't contradicting itself. Some of the material from the 'Method' section could be useful here (i.e. explaining that there are two different kinds of asepsis).
2. The section on Halsted is much improved, but it could still use some hammering-home of the point that Halsted pioneered a system of dress oriented at asepsis. Right now, the connection between Halsted and operating-room attire is clearly sourced, and the connection between operating-room attire and asepsis can be made by the reader's common sense, but it would be useful to have a source that explicitly connects Halsted and asepsis. A quote from him would be ideal, but a scholarly article mentioning Halsted in connection with asepsis would be a close second option. A quick search of the JHU Articles database for 'Halsted asepsis' turned up a couple of good options, so I'd recommend you take a look. Also, in your discussion of the medical glove, you could usefully mention Caroline Hampton - it was her invention too! (And don't forget to link to her Wikipedia page if you do).
3. The captions could use some standardization, and could be a good way to tie Halsted in even further. Take a look at the style guide for captions for tips to make them more consistently styled and informative.
Overall, it's in pretty good shape - I'm looking forward to seeing the final version. — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.hin.ck (talk • contribs) 19:00, 28 April 2020 (UTC)
MH comments
[edit]This is a good start, but this article still needs work to develop your new material and complete the referencing. Keep the following in mind as you revise your next draft:
1. Your section on Halsted is good, but needs a clearer justification and some more elaboration. When exactly did he make these changes to operating-room attire? What was his rationale for doing so, and did he ever mention asepsis? If you can find any sources related to asepsis by him, this would be a useful place for them - as you'd be reporting that he talked about sepsis, rather than affirming the truth of what he said, this is a perfect use for primary sources. Similarly, give more detail on his historical context and that of surgical uniforms - was he the inventor of any particular part of the uniform? Or was he just the first to insist that there should be different clothes? This section also needs citations: in this article, as in your other work, every fact should be tied to a specific citation, and the reader should easily be able to find where you got it.
2. On this note, comb through the entire article and make sure every fact has a corresponding citation. Even where something seems obvious, like 'dressing material should also be sterile', provide a citation for it. The JHU library search and Google Scholar may be useful in locating sources that back up these statements.
3. Think about adding more sub-headings. If you were writing an article on asepsis from scratch, what would you want to know about it? Look at other Wikipedia articles for a model: many have a history section, but also method, impacts, history, appearances in media, related concepts in various world cultures, etc...
Also, please post a comment to the Talk page of the original article explaining that you're drafting some updates to this article for a WikiEducation class, providing a short summary of the changes you've made (dividing it into sections, adding information, etc.) so that when you begin moving this across in a couple of weeks, it won't come as a surprise.
Read your peer reviews and continue to revise in the sandbox (all your old drafts are saved automatically); let me know if you have any questions or want to discuss your topic further! — Preceding unsigned comment added by M.hin.ck (talk • contribs) 03:17, 5 April 2020 (UTC)