User talk:Emw3181
| This user is a student editor in Memorial_University_of_Newfoundland/Animal_Behaviour_(Fall_2019) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Emw3181, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Elysia and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:51, 10 September 2019 (UTC)
Hi there! The first draft of your article is great. I think that the information you added is very interesting and relevant to the topic. I do however, think that you need to organize the article a little differently. The lead seems to contain too much detail where it should only be a summary of the behaviour and the main points of the article. Try adding more sections to contain some of the information you currently have within the lead paragraph! Also, the link in the first reference used in your draft is expired so it may be useful to look into that. Otherwise, great work and I look forward to seeing your finished product. K.white31 (talk) 12:38, 3 November 2019 (UTC)
Amplexus Peer Review
[edit]Hello ! I think that your draft article on the concept of Amplexus is well written and developed ! I noticed a huge different after reading the initial stub article and your draft article and it is evident that you put a lot of time and effort into researching the newly added material for this draft. My one concern was that your lead paragraph was a little too detailed, and I suggested in my review that you consider moving some of the content to other sections of your article to make the introductory lead more concise. Apart from that, your cited sources were reliable and relatively up-to-date. I learned a lot, well done. Emilygeorge06 (talk) 15:47, 3 November 2019 (UTC)Emilygeorge06
Amplexus Peer Review
[edit]Hello! Some information within the introduction could be moved to a major section labelled "Physiological structure/function" or something similar. Try to avoid terms like 'believed' or 'interestingly' as I would read that as slightly biased (there weren't too many that I seen, just a couple). It can be worded like "Studies show..." instead. I think horseshoe crab should be classified as a section labelled by its class, similar to how "Amphibians" is placed as such (a major section). Then incorporate their respective class as a major section heading similar to how Amphibians is completed. After that is completed, mention horseshoe crabs in your introduction as an animal discussed (after introduction is edited). A brief sentence about what to expect of the major sections would be suffice. Other than that, your sources/citations are good. The overall content besides what I listed is well developed. Good work. Ethologyisfun31 (talk) 22:15, 4 November 2019 (UTC)
Your new section for Brain Gym International
[edit]Hi Emw3181. Could you look at trimming back the new section you added to Brain Gym International, or add more references? It seems undue based upon just two references. Please also rewrite it to better follow WP:WIKIVOICE, depending upon what other references you can find. --Hipal (talk) 02:17, 25 February 2021 (UTC)