User talk:Emilyrd98
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Miami/Religious_Issues_in_Death_and_Dying_(Spring_2018) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Emilyrd98, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:25, 14 February 2018 (UTC)
Week 7 Peer Review
[edit]Hey @Emilyrd98: I really enjoyed reading what you had to add about pyramid texts since I haven’t heard of them before! I have some comments and suggestions below but really good job so far.
-Adding the information on the people and time period of discovering the text is a very helpful reference
-Other possible things to add are materials or how they were written could be helpful information to add. In addition to that when you say “they contained many verbs such as ‘fly’ and ‘leap’” I’m assuming they are hieroglyphics so you can mention that.
-"Often times this depended on who was reciting the texts and to whom they were to be recited” this is a little confusing/wordy and could be edited to be a little clearer.
-The lead section looks good! Maybe to break it up a little you could add a section called like “Purpose” or something like that to add the last two sentences of the lead section if you find any similar information. This could break that paragraph up to make it easier for the reader!
-For the rituals section, all the info looks good! If you find more sources or similar info I think it can be added as long as you don’t go too in depth with information that would overlap with the respective articles.
-A graphic of King Unis could be helpful for the viewer and to fill up the page.
-For the Unis section, an explanation of the difference between bare and inscribed could help clarify things. This section is really interesting and I think every sentence is unbiased and informative.
Overall I think you did a really good job with these editions to the article! I think some things could be clarified more just because it is a topic many readers probably don’t have background knowledge on. This is why I think graphics could really help the reader as well. Let me know if you need anymore suggestions and I look forward to more additions to your article! Kvraffy (talk) 03:17, 19 March 2018 (UTC)
@Kvraffy: Thank you so much for the suggestions. I definitely agree that images will be really helpful in this article because so much of it is really visual. I will definitely work on some of the wordiness and making some sentences clearer. I added some more information in a couple of the sections and will also work on breaking up the lead section as you suggested. Thanks again! Emilyrd98 (talk) 03:16, 26 March 2018 (UTC)