User talk:Elcamino67aaa

Welcome!

Hello, Elcamino67aaa, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:34, 12 September 2018 (UTC)

Notes

Hi! Here are my notes:

• I fixed the headers for you - I assumed that the gender equality part was supposed to be its own section with subsections?
• There's a little feel of original research/editorializing in the content. Make sure that you aren't making your own research/opinion statements, as we can only summarize what has been explicitly stated in the source material. I made one small tweak to this end - this sentence comes across as a personal statement about the organization:

Likewise, clubs such as the Empowerment of Livelihood and Adolescents (ELA) are helping girls evade teen pregnancy and underage marriage.

I tweaked it to read like this:

Clubs such as the Empowerment of Livelihood and Adolescents (ELA) have the goal of helping girls evade teen pregnancy and underage marriage.

Basically, the first was a statement that they are doing something - something that others may debate (ie, someone may say that they aren't wholly effective while another may say that they are) - while the others says that this is their goal, which is more of a solid fact.

• Be careful of sourcing. Some of the things you use and cite heavily are studies, however a study is a primary source for any of the research and claims. Studies are also necessarily limited, so they may not pertain to every woman who is in the same situation (either before, during, or during sex work). You need an independent, secondary source that helps put it into context. A secondary source will also help verify the study, as the journal that published the study doesn't do any in-depth verification - they just make sure that there aren't any glaring issues. This can be an easy fix - many databases will show how many people cite a specific study, so you can look through those to see if they would serve well as a secondary source.

Other than this, the section looks good - a lot of the work at this point is really just fine-tuning and tweaking the material, which is what you have here. You've chosen a good topic to focus on! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:17, 31 October 2018 (UTC)

Response

Hi! The proposed changes sound good. My only caution is with the site everyculture.com, as there's really no information about who is writing the information or what type of editorial oversight the site has, if any. It wouldn't be seen as a reliable source on Wikipedia, so it should be replaced. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:25, 14 November 2018 (UTC)