User talk:Dkim38/sandbox

Your article was very clear and easy to read! You made it very obvious what significance Fr. Damien had. The only things I noticed needing improvement were few sentences with grammar errors or sentence structure.

“Father Damien was canonized by Pope Benedict XVI for his service to the Kingdom of Hawaii aiding patients with leprosy (Hansen's Disease) from 1873-1889 by the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.” -Was Father Damian canonized by Pope Benedict XVI and the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary? If so I think you may benefit from rewriting the sentence to say that he was canonized by Pope Benedict and the Congregation.

Lead: “During this time, Father Damien was teaching the Catholic faith to the people of Hawaii.” -I think this sentence may be more clearly understood if you wrote, “During this time, Fr. Damian taught the Catholic faith or preached Catholicism or introduced Catholicism……”

“Damien decided to aid the leper colony” -change to “Damian aided the leper colony”

“For the rest of his life, Father Damien cared for the patient’s” -patients

“He also personally dressed residents' ulcers,” -perhaps change to “He himself dressed residents’…”

Early Life: “Jozef De Veuster was born in rural Belgium on January 3rd, 1840 and was the youngest of seven children. Jozef had grown up on a farm as Jozef’s father, Joannes Franciscus, was a flemish corn merchant in the village of Tremelo in Flemish Brabant.” -I think that this sentence could be made more concise and clear by saying something like “Jozef De Veuster was born the youngest of seven children in rural Belguim on January 3, 1840. His father, Joannes Franciscus, was a Flemish corn merchant in the village of Tremelo in Flemish Brabant, and (other parent, if known).

“Jozef attended college at Braine-Le-Comte. Growing up on a farm, it was assumed that he would eventually take over the farm. However, Jozef decided to follow his two sisters Eugénie and Pauline (who had become nuns) as well as his older brother Auguste (Father Pamphile) and became a “picpus” brother and a member of the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary on October 7, 1860.” -I think we could restructure the order of these sentences: 1. It was assumed he’d take over the farm 2. Instead he attended college 3. He decided to follow in his siblings’ footsteps.

Mission to Hawaii: “Shortly after on March 24th 1864, Father Damien was ordained to priesthood at the Cathedral of our Lady of Peace. This church was originally built by his religious order, the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.” -perhaps change to “Father Damien was ordained to priesthood at the Cathedral of our Lady of Peace, originally built by the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.”

“The “lepers” that were infected were quarantined”

-perhaps change to “The infected “lepers”…”

“painting grass shacks into painted houses” -I’m not sure I understand what you mean here.

“Father Damien also served as a priest during this time and spread the Catholic Faith to the lepers and showed them that despite what the outside world thought of them, they were always precious in the eyes of God” -Because we’re talking about religion and there’s a certain bias tied to religion I feel like maybe saying “It is said that Father Damien told the lepers that despite what the outside……” might give your sentence more credibility.

“Under the leadership of Father Damien, laws were more strongly enforced, working farms were more organized, and schools along with an education system was established.” -perhaps give numbers or data that proves these improvements so that your sentence doesn’t seem like its praising Damien too much (even though it seems like he is indeed worthy of praise).

Illness and Death: “He was not only their priest, but a builder of homes and their doctor.” -perhaps change to “He did not only give the people faith, but he also gave the people homes, and his medical expertise.” I think that by wording it this way the sentence is less awkward.

“Goto believed that leprosy was caused by diminution of the blood.” -try to tie this sentence in with another or explain the relevance of this sentence because otherwise, it may sound like it’s out of place or not as important.

“While continuing to spread the Catholic Faith and aid the lepers in their treatments, Damien completed several building projects and enlarged orphanages” -change to “… and aiding…” so that all of your verbs are in the same tense. Maybe change “enlarged orphanages” to building more orphanages or improving orphanages.

“made a confession on March 30th.” -do you mean was absolved? I think there is a term to refer to wiping away someone’s sins before they die.

“After 16 years in the colony, Father Damien has succumbed at 8:00am” -“Father Damien succumbed…”

“It was transported aboard the Belgian ship Mercator.” -“He or his body was transferred….” Ljperales (talk) 22:00, 18 November 2016 (UTC)