User talk:Dbilli5/NY Wages For Housework Committee Draft
Dbilli5 Possible Revisions: - Wages Due Lesbians was created in Britain in 1975[6]. Wages Due Lesbians called for wages for housework, but also called for extra wages for lesbians since they had been surviving in a prejudiced society.[4] o Could be worded differently Wages Due Lesbians was created in Britain in 1975 and called for wages for housework along with extra wages for lesbians because they had been surviving in a prejudiced society. [4][6] Double up the citations at the end of the sentence
- In 1973, Federici helped start Wages for Housework groups in the US and in 1975, the Wages for Housework opened an office in Brooklyn, New York at 288 B. 8th St. The New York Group was called the "Wages for Housework Committee."[1] o Specify on who/what Federici is
- In Los Angeles, California there were two Wages for Housework groups[4]: One was the Los Angeles Wages for Housework Committee, and the other was the International Black Women for Wages for Housework, which Margaret Prescod founded with Sidney Ross-Risden after moving from NY to LA in 1980[5]. o Specify on when each organization was founded For example, “One was the Los Angeles Wages for Housework Committee established in ______” Or if both were founded in 1980 and by the same people: “and the other was the International Black Women for Wages for Housework, both of which were founded in 1980 by Margaret Prescod and Sidney Ross-Risden after Prescod moved to Los Angeles from New York earlier that year[5]. • Could even possibly omit the part about Prescod moving to LA from NY? - San Francisco, California housed the San Francisco Wages for Housework. Committee, Wages Due Lesbians, and U.S. PROStitutes Collective (US PROS).[4] Wages Due Lesbians was created in Britain in 1975[6]. Wages Due Lesbians called for wages for housework, but also called for extra wages for lesbians since they had been surviving in a prejudiced society.[4] US PROS was created in 1982 to help decriminalize prostitution and also prevent men, women, and children from being forced into prostitution. [7] o Specify on who founded these organizations (and possibly why if created because of certain event) o Could be worded differently Wages Due Lesbians was created in Britain in 1975 and called for pay for housework along with extra income for lesbians because they had been surviving in a prejudiced society. [4][6] Double up the citations at the end of the sentence
- Philadelphia, Pennsylvania was home to both the Philadelphia Wages for Housework Committee and Wages Due Lesbians. o Paragraph before said that Wages Due Lesbians was located in San Francisco? If an extension of organization is located in Philadelphia, it could be reworded and added to previous paragraph • “Philiadelphia, Pennsylania also established a branch of Wages for Housework Committee as well as Wages Due Lesbians.” • Add a citation • Specify who founded and when
- Tulsa, Oklahoma was home to the Tulsa Wages for Housework Committee and No Bad Women, Just Bad laws Coalition.[4] Both were founded by Ruth Taylor Todasco in 1981.[8] Much like US PROS, No Bad Women, Just Bad Laws focused on the decriminalization of sex work[9]. o Reword “Like San Francisco and Philadelphia, Tulsa Oklahoma established a branch of Wages for Housework Committee. As well as the creation of No Bad Women, Just Bad Laws Coalition [4].” o Specify on who established NO Bad Women, Just Bad Laws Coalition
- Not all citations follow the same format o Some have period before citation, some have period after - Possible elaboration on arguments behind the work done by each organization o Interesting names and goals, but descriptions and insight on their views and the work done would make it even better.
Aubreeaucoin (talk) 03:22, 3 November 2015 (UTC)
Possible revisions
[edit]–Margaret Prescod helped co-found the International Black Women for Wages for Housework in New York City.[3] •Give more background information on Margaret Prescod. Possibly elaborate and give more specific information
–In 1975 Federici published Wages Against Housework, a book associated with the movement. [1] •Possibly give more information on the book and why it was associated with the movement.
–Sidney Ross-Risden became a part of the Black Women for Wages for Housework committee after she learned about problems facing migrant workers, their forced work, and low pay.[5] •Consider adding more information about the actual committee and Sidney Ross-Risden.
–San Francisco, California housed the San Francisco Wages for Housework Committee, Wages Due Lesbians, and U.S. PROStitutes Collective (US PROS).[4] •Grammatical change. There was a period where a comma should be.
–Wages Due Lesbians called for wages for housework, but also called for extra wages for lesbians. •Minor revision. The end of the sentence seemed more like an opinion than a fact.
–Tulsa, Oklahoma was home to the Tulsa Wages for Housework Committee and No Bad Women, Just Bad laws Coalition.[4] Both were founded by Ruth Taylor Todasco in 1981.[8] Much like US PROS, No Bad Women, Just Bad Laws focused on the decriminalization of sex work[9]. •Consider rewording and elaborating on the committees.
–Consider finding a way to flow one paragraph to the next without it seeming choppy. Some of the revisions had some weasel wording and peacock terms. The citations are also not all similar in format. Add more information on the different organizations if possible. It seemed like a brief overview of a couple of organizations, rather than having one or two detailed organizations. Add specific dates and people to make the information more reliable and useable. Bhinke1 (talk)Brittany HinkelBhinke1 (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 22:13, 3 November 2015 (UTC)