User talk:Datadecathlete/sandbox

Feedback on your sandbox

Hi Datadecathlete, here are some thoughts about your sandbox:

• "...are able to access certain resources." I would expand on this a touch at the end, "resources such as x, y, and z". Wikipedia loves specificity :)
• I would avoid phrases like "It is important to note", as this comes across as editorializing, or the author of the article inserting their opinion. Just say "*It is not equity to simply provide every individual with the same resources."
• I would add a citation here and possibly add an in-text attribution as well "Health is a basic human right and human need, and all human rights are interconnected" could become "According to XYZ organization, health is a basic human right and human need, and all human rights are interconnected.(citation)"
• Avoid 2nd person perspective such as "we" and "us" ("we tend to say...")
• Be careful putting emphasis on one particular region of the world, particularly regions that are already over-represented ("In the United States, an estimated 12% of the population has significant disability"). The US is the only country you specifically call out with statistics. If this were the sections Health_care_in_the_United_States#System_efficiency_and_equity, then that would make more sense.
• Wikipedia has special rules for reference biomedical claims. Most of your content doesn't have to do with biomedical claims, but this part does: "people with Down Syndrome have higher rates of congenital heart defects". You need to cite a secondary source such as a literature review or a respected organization. This is a primary source because it is a paper written about one specific study by the people who conducted the study

Let me know if you have questions! Nicely done! Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:12, 31 March 2020 (UTC)