User talk:Cp3105pc/sandbox
Hi Carla, Your article is so informative. I loved reading it. It had so much detail it made it a great reading! However I saw some few mistakes. They is missing in the first sentence. “The trout-perch belongs to Kingdom Animalia meaning that THEY are….” in one of the sentences for the taxonomy, you said, " this phylum chordata have about 43700 species"…. (I think that "consists of" should be added). Also, Italicize genus species each time used. There were few instances where they were not italicize. Since this is the first draft it shouldnt cost too much problems, but for the final article it would teach people how to properly write the name of the species. The article sounds like an essay in some of the sections. I think you should just give the fact and not care too much about making it essay like. Several sections are missing citations, and some missing words, punctuation, and conjugation. Also, some words were confusing: ex. “Numeric” under ecological role section..I don’t know what that is in terms of ecology. I was thinking of numbers, but maybe it means something else. Expansion of the parasites section would also be good. For example, talk about what nonlethal effects look like, does the trout change color, does it behave differently, what does it do differently so it can be classified as non lethal? Also, maybe the title of the Parasite section should be changed because it gives a different connotation. I thought that the trout was the parasite, but it wasnt. Overall, i really loved reading your article. Good job!
Nana
Nana, thank you for the suggestions. I will read my draft again and edit it by following your suggestions. I think your advice was really helpful. I will proofread, correct citations, grammar mistakes, and add more information.Cp3105pc (talk) 02:25, 30 November 2016 (UTC)
Draft Feedback
[edit]Carla, you have done a great job researching your topic here, and your writing is mostly clear. I do agree that you need to proofread this one more time relative to grammar. For example, in addition to Nana's suggestions, in the 12th line, this should be "to feed on Amphipoda" and "smaller fish feed on zooplankton".
Another suggestion I would give you would be to get rid of the first sentences where you are discussing the taxonomy of this fish. The taxonomy is shown clearly in the Scientific Classification part of this current article, and the reader can find out more information on each of these taxa by clicking on each of them (e.g., Chordata). Instead, I suggest adding more depth to the sections you have that pertain to this particular fish species, such as your Ecological Role and Parasites sections.
Also, it looks like your reference formatting could be cleaned up a little bit. Great job citing these references in the body of your work, though. Also, for your final draft, you would of course only list references that you cite within this draft.
Last, when listing the name of a species, it is generally helpful to state the common name followed the scientific name in parentheses at first mention, and then only to state the common name at subsequent mentions. For example, it would be helpful if you stated the common name of Chironomidae rather than the scientific name. Rhirshorn (talk) 00:36, 24 November 2016 (UTC)
Prof., thank you for all the suggestions and advice. I will read the draft again and pay close attention to detail and to edit it following the advice you gave me. I will search and add more information to the ecological role and parasites. I will remove the taxonomy part. Cp3105pc (talk) 02:25, 30 November 2016 (UTC)