User talk:Courtney VDL/sandbox
Peer Review Teams: Naomi Terlouw/ Courtney Vanderlaan and Allan Wachendorfer /Sean Wahl
Sean/Allan’s thoughts about Naomi and Courney’s page:
I would suggest removing the first statement that states you are a UM student. There is an “article banner” you can add to the page. Instructions are located on the course page.
The assignment rubric requires an “original” figure/flow chart/graph/picture. Are your pictures originals? A possible chart/graph that would be useful could include a chart about employment initiatives/programs for homeless individuals. Its a good way to cut down the section, fulfill your graph/chart requirement, and make your case succinctly.
You have met the 6 reference minimum requirement. I would try re-coding them so that they do not repeat. For instance, your first reference has an “a” “b” “c” in front of it indicating it was used 3 times. This is preferable to having the same reference repeated such as some of your later references.
Be sure to add your topic at the top. Your topic title should probably replace the title of the “Introduction” section.
My experience with the Workforce Investment Act is that it is an unfunded/underfunded mandate. In other words there is a waiting list of people who are waiting for funding to pay for their training. I could be wrong or misunderstand this, but it is worth looking into. I am not sure that “All individuals” have access to this.
In reading this, I wonder how many homeless people there are. It usually helps in wiki articles to post different statistics and numbers that support your cause or the argument you are making. This article could benefit from the infusion of numbers throughout most sections, especially the introduction. Numbers help to quantify the issues encountered, but also help to give a glimpse of how urgent the problem is. If numbers/stats/data were to be included in this article, it would help to create a sense of urgency and move people to become motivated/active regarding homelessness.
The voting section, while I agree with much of what is said, sounds a bit rhetorical. The section would also significantly benefit from a more streamlined discussion using headers and titles. I agree that it is a good section, but it is kind of verbose, and so a useful way to make the information more digestible to the reader.
In general, I think the article has a lot of good information but I think it could benefit from more concise sections that lead to a certain point, or possibly a call to action. Homelessness is an emotional topic, and I think that although the page should provide information, it should reflect of a sense of urgency about why homelessness is a problem. This can be accomplished through a bit more direct language, and purposeful use of statistics/data to support your claims.
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