User talk:Communista/sandbox/3

Add this to every published article.

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Feedback from Figureskatingfan

Hi Communista,

So as promised, I'm providing feedback for your draft of this potential new article. I'm doing it for a few reasons. First, to demonstrate how editors give feedback and reviews on Wikipedia. Also, so that we don't spend time during our regular editing sessions. Please don't mind the length and comprehensiveness of this feedback. This is typically how editors review each other articles and it can tend to get picky. I will edit typos and small grammar errors as I go, but will give a detailed edit summary.

• Wikipedia articles are titled automatically, so when you copy and paste into a new article, please remove that first section ("Grace Wamue Ngare") because that's going to be your new article's title.
• Wikipedia articles use formal language, so make sure you call your subject "Ngare". Also, the first time a subject is mentioned, their name should be in bold. (I've gone ahead and done that.)
• You need reference(s) for the entire first paragraph. Most of the information there can be found in Ngare's CV (ref1).
• Speaking of your first reference, It's formatted incorrectly, thus all the red. It looks like you formatted the URL access date incorrectly; see MOS:DATEFORMAT.
• Speaking of, the date of her birthdate is formatted incorrectly. Also, it's Wikipedia convention to place the subject's birth date and place in parentheses after their name; i.e., "Grace Wamue-Ngare (born 7 June 1964) is ..." See María Pilar Aquino for one good example.
• The reference at the end of the sentence in the "Education" section is an external. It's also a different version of ref1, Ngare's CV. You need to use one or the other, unless one has information that's supported by one reference but not the other.

More later. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 23:39, 12 August 2024 (UTC)

Career section

• Refs 2 and 3: These references are links to the organizations mentioned, NARO and KALRO. They don't mention Ngare, so a better place for these links would be in an "External links" section, which is usually at the end of articles.
• The rest of the paragraph has no more inline citations. The link at the end of the paragraph is an external link, to Ngare's LinkedIn page. LinkedIn is a social media site, like Facebook and X, which are primary sources and don't belong in an encyclopedia.
• This is very important: Remember that every claim you make MUST be supported by reliable, secondary sources. It doesn't seem like any of the claims in this long paragraph does, so if you don't find anything, they must be removed. I suggest that you either look more, or that you use Ngare's CV. It's a little concerning that you're only reliable source is her CV, so I also suggest that you do some more research. For example, I'm sure her university staff pages have bios about her.

• There are also issues about tone, but I think you should tackle the sourcing problems first.

Publications section

• Please go through this list and format it correctly; i.e., italicize the books and journal articles and correct the URLs and links. It doesn't matter how you format them, as long as they're consistent.

That's all I have for now. A lot to work on, I know! But I think my suggestions will make a better article; one that's deserving of Ngare. Hope my suggestions are helpful and useful. Best, Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 04:10, 14 August 2024 (UTC)

Thank you so much. I have tried to rework the article with your suggestions. Take a look and see if it is better Communista (talk) 12:15, 19 August 2024 (UTC)

Hi again, a few more notes as I look over your changes. Again, please excuse the pickiness! ;)

Wikipedia leads don't have titles; the title of the article serves as the title and will appear when you publish it. I went ahead and removed it and then bolded Ngare's name the first time it's used, there in the lead.

Early life section: I suggest placing Ngare's birthdate in parenthesis after her name in the lead and then removing the section. If you did that it would look like this: "Grace Wamue Ngare (b. June 7, 1964) is an Associate Professor..." Or you could put her birthdate as the first sentence and/or paragraph in the "Education" section. If I were to follow my second suggestion, I'd put her birthdate as the first sentence in that section and rename it "Early life and education." Up to you which way you want to go.

Everything else looks really good. I'm sure removing all the unsourced content was really painful, so nice job. I think you could go ahead and publish it.

This bio needs an image, of course. It also needs more content, but it's unfortunately probably not available. That being said, perhaps one way to expand this bio's content is to use Ngare's own writings. What you'd have to do is read her works, summarize them, and organize her ideas into themes. That's a lot of work, I know; one way to make it easier is to use abstracts.

Here's an example, using "Gender paradigm shift within the family structure in Kiambu, Kenya" from the African journal of social sciences, although I'd probably change it as my research expanded. "In 2011, Ngare and her colleague Nancy Njoroge applied Resources Theory to the African family. They discussed how the access to more resources has resulted in the increase in power and influence, which has in turn resulted in a "gender paradigm shift" in the African family. They state that this change "has dire consequences for both men and women".[add reference]

You could add more from the article, and see if Ngare writes anything more about the family. This is just a suggestion; I hope I've been able to explain it correctly. I also think it'd be fun to go through this process. We can talk more later. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 03:03, 27 August 2024 (UTC)