User talk:Cleotheslp
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Cleotheslp, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:11, 12 September 2016 (UTC)
Peer Review of Your Sandbox
[edit]Hello Cleo! I have reviewed your sandbox draft for Vocal Fold Nodules Wikipedia page. First, I'd like to say that your lead section is looking great. I like how clearly you have described your topic, including the most relevant points that your reader will be interested in. I also think it's wonderful how many links you've included to other Wikipedia pages. This allows your lead to be concise, while providing paths for your reader to take in case they are interested in more details about a specific concept. I will be applying this to my own article, after seeing how organized your's is! One suggesting from me would be to include more citations, particularly in the first paragraph of your lead section. I am also wondering about the phrase "overuse, abuse, or misuse" - would "phonotrauma" be a more appropriate term to use here? It would be ideal to be able to link your readers to a "phonotrauma" Wikipedia page, but unfortunately, no such article currently exists (perhaps we should make one!).
As for your Prevention and Treatment sections: I love how you've carefully thought about the organization of the information. Your use of headings and subheadings is fantastic and guides your reader to help them find the information you're looking for. The Contents box is also an excellent addition for the same reason. I am wondering whether your "Reducing Phonotraumatic Practices" and "Eliminating Behaviours that Jeopardize Vocal Health" could be combined into one section, since they are both touching on behaviours that can be modified to prevent vocal nodules. I am also very impressed by your long list of references - this helps to ensure that the information you have presented comes from a multitude of perspectives. I would recommend using these sources to add more citations to your "Surgery" section. The only specific minor modification I would recommend to your draft would be the sentence "Behavioural voice therapy with a speech-language pathologist is recommended, this usually involves vocal training, voice therapy, and, occasionally, vocal rest." I think this would read more clearly as two separate sentences.
Overall, great work on your first draft, Cleo! I am very impressed and learned a lot from your research. I think the most important thing to take away from my review would be to add in some more citations to make your article even stronger. Well done! D3ini (talk) 03:04, 26 October 2016 (UTC)
Thanks for the feedback @D3ini:! Those are excellent suggestions which I will definitely incorporate as I continue to work on the draft and move it into mainspace!
A barnstar for you!
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The Original Barnstar |
| Constructive and detailed review; nice draft of the article. SCSD639 (talk) 17:24, 31 October 2016 (UTC) |