User talk:Cdkading/sandbox

Nice start, group 15! You've already found some good material on Coleman Griffith. Looking forward to seeing this article develop. Your suggestions for improving the article make sense.

For Brecca: To improve the article, first read the brochures I distributed in class on editing Wikipedia and Editing Psychology articles. Look at other Wikipedia articles on individuals. Instructions for future assignments will also help, e.g., making an outline, writing a good lead, etc.

For Chris: You don't need to collaborate with those who have worked on the article in the past, although just by contributing now you are collaborating in a sense. When editing, you should be careful to work around what's already there. Don't delete whole sections and paste in new material. It is poor etiquette. However, it is perfectly fine to rewrite and reorganize in general.

For Erin: Writing a good lead is very important. Check WP:lead for instructions. Also, adding biographical material about early life, education, etc., is a good thing! Don't just stick to psychology.

J.R. Council (talk) 16:50, 7 October 2015 (UTC)

Great job so far!

Hi Group 15 -- you've made a very good start on this article. The outline makes sense and you've divided up tasks appropriately. It looks like you've got some good references, so you should have plenty of material. I think this is shaping up to be a great article about an important founding figure in sport psychology. J.R. Council (talk) 16:41, 26 October 2015 (UTC)

Feedback on Lead--Chris

Overall, I think you did a good job on summarizing Coleman Griffith's major accomplishments and contributions to sports psychology. One suggestion could be maybe expanding a little on his time with the Chicago Cubs and why he was an influence there and how that was important. Otherwise, I think it looks good and is concise. Brecca.W (talk) 03:09, 28 October 2015 (UTC)Brecca

Feedback on Lead--Erin

I think you did a good job on highlighting Coleman's life and his influence on sport's psychology. No major changes I could think of just look over minor grammar errors, but otherwise seems to be well summarized. Brecca.W (talk) 17:17, 28 October 2015 (UTC)Brecca

Feedback on Assignment 6

For Brecca: Very nice job! Just a couple of comments/suggestions. Be sure to proofread; for example, this is not a complete sentence: Eventually earning his PhD in psychology, which led to research and teaching on the psychology of athletics. In general, writing style is a bit choppy, but the information is all very good.

For Chris: Another great job! I don't have much to add in terms of suggesting new content, except to support Erin's comment after your lead on the other page. Also, see my general comment below about closing up the gaps.

For Erin: This is very good, but needs proofreading/editing. For example, should rewrite this passage: "He studied at Greenville College until 1915 and then continued his studies at the University of Illinois It was at the University of Illinois that Griffith first began his research." Better: He studied at Greenville College until 1915, and continued at the University of Illinois, where he conducted his first research."

For all:

1. When you write the lead for Assignment 7, don't use so many short paragraphs. Close it up so you have just one or two paragraphs.
2. Include reference citations for The Psychology of Coaching (1926) and The Psychology of Athletics (1928)

J.R. Council (talk) 19:26, 30 October 2015 (UTC)

Feedback on Assignment 7

Good to see this group is plugging away at the article. Nice additions, Brecca!J.R. Council (talk) 20:34, 2 November 2015 (UTC)*
Hello again, Group 15. This article looks great. Very little left to do for Assignment 8. Here are some suggestions for each section:
1. Lead: Give Wrigley's full name. If he's got a Wikipedia article, link to it. (I see you did that below. Do it in the lead as well.
2. Early life: Don't put the reference citation number in the section title. Need a citation for the last part of the paragraph.
3. Education: Again, don't put the reference citation number in the section title. Put it at the end. There's a lot of reliance on the Gould article. If you could mix in some additional sources, that would be good.
4. Research: This section is good, but could use a little proofreading for flow.
More later. J.R. Council (talk) 21:27, 13 November 2015 (UTC)
5. Texts and Major Publications: This is good, but give reference citations.
6. Later life: This is good, but choppy. Please edit for better flow. Also, capitalize Department of Psychology.
7. Bibliography: Delete this. Just use References.
Again, nice work! This is almost there. The tweaks I've suggested above won't take long at all. J.R. Council (talk) 23:13, 13 November 2015 (UTC)

Assignment 8 decision

Hi Group 15. You've done a great job on this! It reads very well, and is very informative. It can still use some formatting, but I'm sending it off to Ian at WikiEd for his decision and recommendations. Nice work! J.R. Council (talk) 17:34, 24 November 2015 (UTC)

More feedback from Dr. Council

I see that Ian has not gotten to your article yet. I think it is very close to publishing. Here are a few suggestions for final touches.

1. There is redundancy between the education and research sections. I would remove the material on his sports psychology lab at UI from the education section.
2. In fact, most of the Education section is actually about his career. You should just title the preceding section Early life and education, and move the 2 sentences about earning his Ph.D. to the end of that section. Title the next section Career.
3. Was he working for the Univ. of Illinois and the Cubs at the same time? You should clear this up.
4. Get rid of the → characters before book titles.
5. Need to cite sources for info in Later life section.

• You don't need to wait for Ian's comments before starting to polish this up for publication.

J.R. Council (talk) 22:57, 1 December 2015 (UTC)

Feedback

Nice work, though I'm not entirely certain which version you're working off of. I'm going to assume it's User:Cdkading/sandbox#Outline:.

One thing you might consider doing is adding an {{Infobox person}} to the article. You should also check to see that everything in the article can be tied to a source. There are some paragraphs in there that lack supporting citations, or that only have one early in the paragraph, making it uncertain what it is that supports the statement. And one more thing - when you copy your work into mainspace, don't include the A, B, C, and I, II, II, etc., in your section headers. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 23:37, 2 December 2015 (UTC)

Time to publish!

I do agree with Ian that an Infobox would be a nice addition. Not hard to do either. Click on the link above from Ian to see how to do this. Please follow the rest of his advice as well. Finally, be sure to read and follow the instructions on Blackboard following Assignment 9 on how move the article over to main space. Congratulations! J.R. Council (talk) 22:37, 8 December 2015 (UTC)