User talk:Cassandra-coss
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Hi Cassandra-coss! Thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. We hope to see you there!
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Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Cassandra-coss, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:47, 25 October 2018 (UTC)
Representation of African Americans in media
[edit]Hi! I saw that you made an edit at Representation of African Americans in media. I've reverted it and wanted to explain why.
Firstly, the edit turned the first sentence into a header, which messes with the article's formatting. This is more of a side note, to be honest, as the real reason is the paragraph you added:
- This however, can be represented in a more positive light as well. Singer/songwriter Beyoncé, is an African American woman in the music industry, Her talents and artistry were showcased in American History when she performed at the inaugural Neighborhood Ball, when president Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama danced the opening dance. The song preformed was titled “At Last”, which symbolized a significant milestone in American history. This song symbolized the moment of a change in American history, at last. "The moment was memorable for a number of reasons. The romance of the president and first lady, which had cap tivated many during the campaign, was now on full display. Mrs. Obama, dressed in a floating, feminine white gown that offset her brown complexion, was dancing to the same song the president had selected for the first dance at their wedding. Here, they seemed to re-create that moment, as if renewing their vows be fore a nation of witnesses. But even more significant, because this was the inauguration of America's first black president, because "At Last" is an R&B song, and be cause Beyonce sang it in a style most of ten associated with soul and gospel, the song signified the triumphant culmination of what had long been a rather one sided romance between black Americans and their nation." (The MIT press)
There are a few points here - the first is that the quote you used is incredibly long. While we can use quotes from copyrighted sources, Wikipedia's fair use policy dictates that the quote must be short and that it cannot be summarized in your own words without losing something major. In most cases the quote can be summarized.
Another issue is that this is written as sort of an essay. You're drawing from the source, however the way you're representing it makes it seem like you're making the statement that this was positive and using the source to back up your point, as opposed to summarizing what the source said. I doubt that many would disagree, however they are out there and as such, you need to make sure that the claims are properly attributed.
The final reason is that this is a lot of content for the lead portion of the article - the lead is really just meant to be a summary of the content in the article. I think that it's worth re-working this and adding it to the article, but not really in the lead - at least not in this format. Here are some suggestions on how to re-work this:
- Re-write the paragraph into a section on positive representations in the media. This really should be in the article since there have been concentrated efforts to combat misrepresentation and not all representation has been negative, as your paragraph shows. This section could also include the efforts to fight against misrepresentation as well. Just make sure that you're aware that the article covers not only celebrities and famous people, but also how the average African American is represented in the media as well. (For example, how the media will cover a black criminal more than they would a black activist in many situations, especially black woman activists.) Using your work to start, here's a way to start re-working this:
- The 2009 performance of "At Last" by singer/songwriter Beyoncé at the inaugural Neighborhood Ball for President Barack Obama has been cited as an example of positive representation of African Americans. According to Farah Griffin, the song symbolized a significant milestone and a moment of change in American history as it marked the inauguration of America's first black President and the song "signified the triumphant culmination of what had long been a rather one sided romance between black Americans and their nation." Griffin also highlighted the Obamas' relationship, which she stated had been a focal point during the campaign. She further wrote that the song, originally sung by Etta James, had also been the first dance at the couple's wedding, which Griffin felt "[re-created] that moment, as if renewing their vows be fore a nation of witnesses."
- I've included some of the big quote as little quotes to kind of show how they can be used. You can use any or all of this re-write if you want - it's pretty much your own work, just shifted around a bit.
- For the lead, just include a single sentence along the lines of "There have been concentrated efforts to reduce the amount of misrepresentation in the media and highlight positive representation. Examples of positive representation have included the first dance by Barack and Michelle Obama at the 2009 inaugural Neighborhood Ball."
I hope that this helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:32, 26 November 2018 (UTC)