User talk:Carlapicasso/sandbox

Good introduction and to the point. The use of prominent people that we all can relate to allows us to engage in your work. Also, a reminder that the bottom URL is not working. Also, for Emma maybe explain a little more in depth of what she did. Like where she took the pictures, what show did she go to etc. Miaeschlidt (talk) 12:45, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I really like the use of the individual companies. In the first sentence, you say "evolved and developed"- it sounds redundant. In the second sentence, what are you trying to define? It is not clear. In the Louis Vuitton section, "late adopter" does not role off the tongue easily. You can try saying something like "Louis Vuitton adopted the use of social media sites late (or later on). Make sure to capitalize "America" in the Supreme section! Cbettica65 (talk) 13:09, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Good use of headeings and links, makes it clear to what you are writing. In your first sentence you use "our" which we are suppose to avoid. You could change it to something like "consumers". I would also take out "for instance, some" in the last sentence of the first paragraph and start it with fashion companies or I guess since it is not all maybe certain/many fashion companies. for the Louis Vuitton and supreme sections, is "Louis Vuitton:" and "supreme:" going to stay in the beginning of the paragraphs? I would take that out. Take out "also" in Louis paragraph after [2] citation and start sentence with "in the spring of 2018, ". Also look into rewording the next sentence to something like "She brought attention to the brand by photographing and vlogging (link vlog) her experiences there" and something similar for the next sentence. Oliviaohearn (talk) 13:18, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The article sounds very concise and clear. I think it would be good if you could just expand a bit more on the supreme section/finish up the sentence. I think it would be good if you were to fix some grammatical mistakes that were mentioned before. Bokyung0327 (talk) 13:23, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Love your article. I think you did a great job making sub sections based on the brand. You should expand a little more on brands and give more details to the ones you have. Great start! Love this topic! Robertpark1999 (talk) 13:28, 3 April 2019 (UTC)robertpark1999[reply]

Great introduction! I like how you chose to break up your sections and the information is presented in a clear manner. Additionally, I think you should use more sources in the Louis Vuitton section, where you discuss Emma Chamberlain. Awhite07 (talk) 13:58, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Good job with your topic. Don't forget to capitalize what needs to be capitalized and I would also add pictures to give the viewer a better idea of what you are talking about. Additionally, I would link other pages to some of the words on your page. Good job!Henrykuv (talk) 17:07, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The first sentence is unclear. Maybe take "evolved" out of the first sentence because it is used in the second sentence as well. Maybe add more credibility to Emma Chamberlain for people who do not know who she is. "American" should be capitalized. Fields18x (talk) 23:54, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I am very impressed with how well this article looks so far and with the notes you have in your sandbox. The only thing I would say is to try and add more sources even if they are the videos Emma Chamberlain did on her own channel and on the Louis Vuitton channel. Sophieb905 (talk) 00:38, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Very good job. As previously mentioned, tightening up the first few sentences should make this an excellent addition to WIkipedia. More sources cited, regardless of platform, and you should be good. Regards, Rapidrider (talk) 15:54, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome job here, i think it is very helpful and interesting that you brought up talking about Supreme and Louis Vuitton, you might want to go a little more in depth about Supreme in that most people might not be aware of how rare and expensive the brand can get, otherwise great job. Casey518 (talk) 23:54, 5 April 2019 (UTC)Casey O'Connor[reply]

This is great! I like how everything is split up by brands it helps to make your Wiki informative while not confusing the reader. However, the use of only two sources for that much information is quite limited. Benitalukose (talk) 02:28, 6 April 2019 (UTC)Benita Lukose[reply]